Living in the Past

The idea for this article came to me while talking with some older friends (in their 40s), who seemed to find it terribly funny that I didn't understand their references to a television program from the communist period. But the reason I didn't understand it was that the communist era itself ended in my country 10 years before I was born (so, almost 30 years ago now).
So, I protested that of course I don't know what they're talking about and they reassured me they weren't laughing at me, rather at themselves, because my unknowing made them feel old.

But the thing is, it only means you're old if all your jokes come from when you were 20.
So, it's nothing to do with age really, but with a state of mind. If you're fifty, but remain stuck in your youth and you only love things from thirty years ago and the only jokes you make are old ones that used to be popular when you were a kid, then yeah, you're old.
If you're fifty, but make jokes relevant to the present and know the latest trends and allow life to pass through you, and for you to change, even if it means taking some disappointments along the way, you're not.

It's a common phenomenon, I'm sure you've had the misfortune of coming across such a person. Well, it's not an actual misfortune, in the sense that it harms you personally, but it's very sad and depressing, at least to me.
I'm talking about the people who get stuck somewhere on Memory Lane and can't quite manage to find their way back to the present. Fear not, for these people are not sad per se, they have many things to speak fondly about. The sad part is that most of these things happened twenty years ago. Or thirty, or fifty. Typically, they remain stuck in their youth, their time of glory, when they were young and felt that the world was theirs.

Because something happened, the world was mean to them somehow, and they prefer not to think about that. Instead of facing their failures (which are normal; everyone amasses them over the years), and whatever reason for unhappiness, they choose to save their feelings for times gone by, when such failures and disappointments weren't in the picture.
They try to create some sort of time machine, designed to save them from the present.

Achievers of Nothing

I think this type of behavior stems from the fact that at this point int their life, they're drifting. They're drifters through the world, having nothing to show for their life, no real career to speak of, no great romance, no children to bring them satisfaction. People who are, for some reason, discontent with their lives. Because I've mostly come across this attitude with this type of people.
I think the phrase “a trip down memory lane” is very accurate, because life's a journey, not a destination, and the trick to not getting stuck in the past is to keep moving. It's passing through all sorts of phases in your life, enjoying them in their time, but also knowing when it's time to move on.
So no, people who are present – be they fifty or seventy-five – won't talk fondly only about things they used to do and music they listened to when they were kids. No, because they'll have interesting things to talk about now.

Oh yes, it was great when we used to go see X show, remember? Boy, those were the days!

But it's been thirty years since those days, regardless of how great X show was. What have you been doing in the meantime? You can't tell me the only great show you ever saw in your life was three decades ago.
See, I think this is an important part of not living in the past – retaining the ability to fall madly in love with things.
For example, my mom discovered Motorhead a few years ago and completely fell for it, she allowed it to become all-encompassing,a lifestyle. A couple of years back, we both had an obsession with the TV show Sons of Anarchy. It's passed, in the meantime. As all things should.
Her friend, on the other hand, hasn't felt that way about anything – men, music, books, films, whatever – for decades. The sort of person who when asked about their favorite actor says something like Humphrey Bogart (amazing, but sadly, long dead).

These people retain the twisted, pathetic hope that if they don't move on from their moment in the sun, from the time they were twenty, neither will the world. But that doesn't work, it can't work.

It seems devastating,I know. But it's not. Life is this amazing miracle at any age. There aren't worse ages or whatever, just different phases.

As Dylan Thomas once wrote, 'Time passes. Listen. Time passes.'

Key word: listen.

Thank you for reading,

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