SKINNY PEOPLE SHOULD BE APPRECIATED

In a world that contains mainly of three body types, ectomorph, mesomorph and endomorph, it is unfair that the butt of jokes be reserved for the first and last group leaving the Mesos as the envy of all eyes.

Although people have their laughs at the Hippos among us, they do it with caution and distance to avoid being smacked down. For the skinny, it’s a free and endless market. What can they possibly do? Get angry, challenge the abuser and get beat up in the process risking more ridicule?

So unfair but that’s what life is. Mean chubbies and hunks everywhere. For those still in possession of their humanity, the following points will show you just how much gel we the holy branches add to the daily friction of man’s existence.

WE MAKE TAXI RIDES POSSIBLE

I don’t know what car manufacturers recommend as the ideal number of passengers for a taxi but 4 passengers at the back and 2 at the front is against even the devil’s wishes. For the confused foreigner, that’s how we roll over here in the most populous black nation on earth.

As long as the skinny race thrives, this model of business will be continually sustained. End result being cab drivers having a steady flow of income to escape the harsh realities of my dear country’s economy.

You need to see how transporters hustle for a slim passenger each time 3 or 4 hippos are already in the car. You become the steem to their cab-chain. Small but mighty. The bone which the drivers rejected is now the chief corner-bone. Praise Jesus.

How can they fill their cars with 6 whales? Best would be 4 hence lose 44% profit each trip. Huge thanks to the wiry for bridging this economic gap.

FREE MONEY FOR GYM INSTRUCTORS, YAY!

Nutritionists and dieticians recommend eating as the major if not only correlation to bulking up. The gospel from our neighbourhood gyms preaches the opposite. Worst still on new media channels like Youtube: “How to build a killer chest in 3 months!”, “5 ultimate benching techniques to build muscle!” e.t.c.

You search, download, watch and practice only for your limbs to laugh at your futility, copying instead the resilience of HODL-ers of the crypto world.

The equation says "eat". Your metabolism chants “burn!” where does that leave you? Oh… oh… I know; eating a mouthful every two hours for the rest of your life!

The body building pro knows this. Your instructor is aware. Hell even the weights and dumbbells know as an ectomorph the difference between working out and doing otherwise is like David Silva and his Portuguese clone Bernando.

Yet they receive you with open arms each time you walk into their fitness center then boost your hopes same way a doctor does a grade 3 cancer patient.

WILL BEAUTY PAGEANTS MAKE SENSE?

Fat is an unwanted parasite on the body of a feminine. At least that’s what mainstream media tells us. Miss World and other “misses” around the globe use pageantries to reaffirm that stand.

Without the slender, catwalks and runway shows will not be a thing. Even fashion police will struggle. For these dames, defeating fat means even window drapes can look sexy on them. That’s why they are the blockchain of the Modeling world.

Although for the men it is a huge no, the fact that it is a highly sort after quality on the body lines of the female wing of Skinny Peoples Republic (SPR) still gives us the right of reverence by association. I mean there are a lot of Germans who don’t give a crap about Mercedes or the national soccer team yet get envious glances whenever they identify to be from that land of beer-drinking oktorberfesting hunks.

It doesn’t end there. Have you seen those Emirati-dressed flower girls FIFA use for opening and closing ceremonies of soccer events? What about airline hostesses? Which would you prefer? A Queen Latifah or Agbani Darego? How about watching body cream and soap adverts with flesh jiggling all over the screen?

Next time you ask Cindy if she’s sick remember that pale body you seem so concerned for is what makes your TV experience appealing.

WE ARE THE REASON CUSTOMIZERS EXIST

For the thin, tall and tiny, poking more holes into a newly purchased belt is a common practice. This is to give your sinewy waist a chance to feel the round leather.

Purchasing a pair of trousers is always followed by the ritual of mending it to size except you are okay with being a walking bed sheet. Long sleeves? Check. Same mending rite must be administered. In fact it is in the constitution.

We don't know what this feels like!

Even wrist watches and ordinary hand bands are not left out. You either cut or go Howard Wolowitz on fashion stores – purchasing the ones meant for toddlers.

The mending industry of tailors and other customizers are and will keeping booming courtesy of our flesh’s’ inability to have width and occupy space. So you spend and spend and while the customizers keep smiling to their piggy banks.

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