UNPROTECTED (A TRUE STORY)

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"I love you." He said. He always said.

I was twelve but I knew with every fiber of my being. This was wrong. Just wrong.

People always ask me why I left my second secondary school. It was a great school with great teachers. I had made a lot of really good friends and I enjoyed learning. I always give them different excuses. A different excuse to each person.

To my dad it was, "I'm doing really poorly there. My teachers are awful and all the students do is run around and waste time." That was a lie. A big one.

I lied to everyone. But no more lies. Not anymore.

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He was a burly 17 year old in SS1. A model student. It all began innocently (at least I thought so). He made sexual jokes about me around his classmates and senior colleagues. Everyone laughed. He'd go on to touch me to make it even funnier. They'd all laugh harder. It was never funny to me but i said nothing.

Thinking back now, I believe he started out that way so he could always say it was a joke. So he could discredit me. He didn't have to. No one ever believed me.

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He moved on from telling jokes to hounding me when no one was looking. He'd whisper words that no boy should ever tell another boy. As the words went in, he would try to slip a hand into my black school trousers. I'd push him off and run, as fast as I could, anywhere my legs would carry me.

"Senior. Senior J tried to touch me this evening after dinner." I'd report, choking on my own words.

The seniors would all laugh. Loud. Drowning out my still tiny voice as I whimpered. My school father had graduated and so I was unprotected and alone.

"Where did he try to touch you?" One of them would pause long enough to ask.

"Take off your trousers and show us."

Puberty had set on very early for me and so for a twelve years old boy, I carried a load that was bigger than most of theirs.

"This kind big thing wey you dey carry. Why person no go wan touch am?"

They'd all laugh again.
"How old did you say you are again?"

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My friends look at me weirdly when they come to visit and spend the night.
"Why does he find it hard to share a bed with a guy? Even his best friend." They'd subconsciously ask.

Few of them have had the courage to ask me to my face.

Only my best friends know the answer.

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I was hungry. I had missed lunch and I can't really remember why. All I remember is that I dodged our compulsory siesta to crack palm kernels in the bush close to our hostel. I went deep inside so I couldn't be seen or heard.

I was alone. White sand all around me. No one could see me. No one could hear me. I heard a sound, looked up and there stood J.

"Senior. I'm sorry senior. I was hungry." I offered without being asked.

"Not a problem." He replied. A sinister smile played on his lips as he moved closer.

"Uwakmfon. Do you love me?"

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There. That question again. I remained quiet. The stone I had used for the kernels was still in my hand. The kernels I'd already shelled felt heavy in my pocket as a sinking feeling set in. Why couldn't the ground just swallow me whole.

"You didn't answer my question." He said, now standing directly in front of me.

"Throw the stone away."

I obeyed. My first mistake.

He grabbed my hand quickly and suddenly and twisted until I had to turn my back to him to stop it from hurting. My second mistake.

"Tell me you love me."

Tears stung my eyes as I resisted. I was tight lipped. I was never going to give in to him.

"I said tell me you love me." He now sounded angry. Acting rougher and rougher with each passing second.

I was a kid. I couldn't take it anymore.

Both my hands were in his tight grip so I couldn't wriggle free. I screamed! Screamed!! Screamed!!! No one heard.

He laughed. That same voice that serenaded our chapel and kept our students and teachers spellbound. That same voice that sang praises. Now belonged to a devil.

He let me scream on until my throat ached. After about five minutes, he slowly began dragging down my trousers.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt you." He said. His smile widened with each inch my trousers moved. I could feel his pulse quicken with my hand and his heart rate increase against my back.

I couldn't scream anymore. I sobbed now. Silent tears.

"Are you there God? Are you watching?"

Still gripping my forearms from behind, he pushed me on the white sand. The sand clung to my tears and stung my eyes even more. I closed them.

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That was almost 9 years ago. No one believed me. Not my classmates. Not my seniors. I never bothered to tell my parents or teachers. I was convinced they wouldn't believe me either. I just cried.

I cried myself to sleep every night. I slept with a dining knife under my pillow. It still didn't help me sleep better. My grades suffered. I withdrew from everyone and everything. I hated myself.

He just kept smiling everyday. At me, at everyone else. The model student. The bloody model student.

So forgive me friends. If I cringe whenever anyone so much as touches me. If you're a guy and i sleep on the ground when you visit so you can have the bed, no matter how big it may be.
Forgive me ladies if sex means nothing to me. If the very act fills me with a few moments of blinding hate.

I wasn't supposed to be this way.

(This is another story that I first posted on Facebook. Upvote and Resteem to help spread the word. Male Rape is a real thing.)

Story source: https://web.facebook.com/umesco/posts/1121835047918521