Empathy, feeling from the other

Expressions are often used in our daily lives, "if it was me ... or if I were in his place ... or put yourself in my place."

All these calls us back to a process known as empathy, very important to facilitate our relationships.

Empathy is precisely this condition seek to put in place the other, feel like the other, in order to understand the attitude and behavior of the other. Many times coaches of all levels and professional and emotional ties to make this invitation as therapeutic approach in order to understand and accept the attitude and the reaction of those who live with us and being the cause of conflict. The question is whether we really know how to do it.

In many attendances made in the office we contacted patients who suffer a lot because they are dissatisfied with the return, the response received from others before his emotional investment, energy, emotional. That is, the response does not match the expectation. But ... it was based on this expectation?

In most cases, we create, build a mental image of people. Imagine and idealize their behavior, their reactions, their attitudes. We say to ourselves that certainly guy will receive with gratitude that my attitude and know return, if at any time I need. We forget, or often we do not realize that, even though people keep affinities in certain attitudes, behaviors, ethical behavior, in fact, we live our own stories, building through our personal, individual and non-transferable experiences, our own personality.

This information, this broader view, seeking to capture cultural situations and contextualize the behavior of people, go through the historical situation experienced by the past, including our family and lead us to reflect on the construction of life, the behavior of our fathers, uncles, grandparents, and so on. The role of caregiver, provider, mentor played by our parents or substitutes, the companion paper, partner played by friends, spouses, love and affection in general is pervaded by concepts rooted in our being. These concepts pervade by cultural tradition of issues, often radical and uncompromising that amplify the seriousness of certain actions.

A complicated parental relationship between mother and child, for example, where the child feel rejected in some way, even be looked at sympathetically, requires the child to make a move to take the mother's place. the source must be observed, the family organization, social environment, the challenges and difficulties faced by it. In this sense we have drifted mother stereotype as being infallible and build a real figure of woman who learned to be a mother with the tools that life offered him.

This example applies to all friendships, professional, family, marriage, and so on. With this process we deconstruct the myths and allow people to be normal and not idols.

Acknowledge our imperfection and the imperfection of others brings us closer and minimizes our disappointment, softening our suffering.

I do not mean that we should accept all passive and accommodated way, but that we move to look our mistakes and our traveling companions as a process of evolution and individual and collective growth