Always seems so strange....here is my story for better or worse

hatzsouk (47)in #introduction • 8 years ago

How does one introduce one self to a community you don't even know...?? I am going to write something I actually haven't told a soul face to face.. and yet here I am writing my sob story and purging my pain to a community I don't even understand completely! I don't know if I can do this? But today is the day!

It's so surreal! I heard about steemit on the Higherside Chats podcast many moons ago. I have been listening to podcasts for over 7 years, I used to run home at night from work and happened to chance on them by accident! I love a good podcast especially anything alternative. Podcasts really changed my perspective on life. Pulling the veil of so called reality aside and waking me up. I used to listen to Mysterious Universe, the Paracast, Freeman Radio, Red Ice Radio etc. I first heard of bitcoin many moons ago. I bought 100 at .10c...and sold them at $1! hahaha idiot!

I guess I used to listen to them so religiously, because I was running a business that was tearing my heart out. I just needed a release and a break from the stress of dealing with the expectations of family, friends and staff. I laid a lot of responsibility on myself, perhaps more than I cared to admit. That 30 minute run was my refuge. I was in my mid to late 20's when I first bought the business which was had non existent customers. I was sold a lemon...it was a hospitality business in a small city in Australia. My family and I worked very hard for many years before we saw the place full. I should have seen the writing on the wall. The first night we ended up being full, the power company cut the power to the entire street after a fire in a hotel down the road! I should have known!

I was not arrogant by any means, it was more the shame of failure that drove me. My father passed away when I was very young and his voice would pop into my head every time I would want to ask for help or put my hand up and say I had bitten off more than I could chew :(

We became very successful but were hardly making an return on investment. Money was going in but more money was going out. Staff and suppliers were getting paid but not me or my family. Needless to say after 13 years of battling against the odds, getting cancer and divorcing I had to close the business, I lost everything I had. My family, friends and respect amongst my peers was gone. It was a disaster and was all my fault. The worst thoughts travel through your mind, depression sunk in and the inevitable thoughts of taking my life. The shame was too great or so I thought. I will cut a long story short and say that I am not a religious person, but someone saved me from what would have been a mistake.

The next day I woke up and I packed up what little I had and moved into another city. I went and slept on a park bench for a while...THE most humbling thing I have ever done. I lost every material thing I had. During this period something strange happened. I looked back and saw my life and saw how I placed so much value on material things, thinking they would make me and my family happy. Was I WRONG! I was working harder to save a business I loved in the beginning but despised in the end. The constant drudgery day to day destroyed my soul, my health and my love for everything. I realized that as you acquire "things"...they own you ..you don't own them.

Learning the value of the simple things came flooding back. The comfort of a bed, food, water, shelter. I learn't to hear that voice inside of me and trust it. To look at the world and people in a different way!

I took a break to reflect on life and re entered the industry I was in, because deep down I loved what I did. I got a job with a fantastic group of people and worked my way from the ground to VM in two years. I have learn't so much about myself and how to treat people with respect, honesty, trust and most importantly the TRUTH. If I was honest with myself and staff, the Mr nice guy killed me and the business. Today I am totally transparent with my team and as much it leads to difficult conversations the end result means we all achieve a better result.

Of course looking back I'm sure people would say would you love to have changed things? Yes the only thing is losing my family & friends over money.

I don't think I would be were I would be if I changed anything. Life is the grindstone and we are the sword!

Here are some pics of the fun things I get to do at work!

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making freeze dried cranberry juice to make cocktails for our bar!