The difference between the Complaint and Claim - Part 1
People get confused between one and another, and the result of this confusion is that we get more of what we do not want.
The difference between the Complaint and Claim - Part 1
It seemed appropriate to me to see the difference between complaint and claim because every day in a psychological consultation it is very common people getting confused between one and another, and the result of this confusion is that we get more of what we do not want.
A claim is originated when, face to an order we made, or face to something that we agreed with the other party, the agreement is not fulfilled within the time limits or terms previously agreed. So the claim is a resource that I have and that I can use when who got compromised with me did not fulfill its part.
By claiming I'm generating a new agreement, and so I am creating another possibility to fulfill the agreement. When I give course to claim, I provoke that who has broken its word, take its responsibility for what was not fulfilled, and I am at peace with myself because I knew how to assert my rights.
If I claim instead of complaining, I'll get pure benefit because the other gets a chance to amend, I achieve another opportunity to get what I asked for, and the universe expands with the new game that has been opened. Instead the complaint, it is only useful as I know and have accepted to hear its message, as we said in previous articles, its message is that there are areas of my life or aspects in me, which require a greater commitment on my part, and until I do not pass from complaint to the commitment, I will not see changes or options. Einstein already said long ago: "Nothing happens until something moves" and is a symptom of madness trying to achieve different results doing the same thing.
So it happens that most of the time, we complain instead of claiming productively: to the government that promises what does not fulfill, to our boss that does not pay at the agreed terms and conditions, to our children that promise us to study when they actually do not, there are many examples we could give, but with these I gave, each one can get the idea of the occasions in which complains are made rather than taking a more productive way. And when I say we do not use a more productive way, I mean we do not seek the way to renew these unfulfilled promises, but daily we feed our disappointment and dissatisfaction with the complaint, attracting more of the same, because energy flows where I'm focusing.
Now we must have something clear, that to use the resource of the claim, I must have asked or requested something clearly and effectively, and the other part - in the same way - it must have compromised with me to give me what I asked. Why do I clarify this? Because it is also very common to see this happening in the consultation and of course in life too, often we complained by unfulfilled promises that were never made to us. And it is important to understand that no one will be able to satisfy ourselves, if we do not ask for in a concrete and clear way what we want.
Now going back what brings me the complaint and what brings me the claim, when we complain and the instance of the complaint takes time come, this over time makes my victim feeling to be accentuated by increasing my grief and unproductive complaint because the complaint, by being the expression of internal dissatisfaction, is like a bottomless barrel, the more I complain the more I want to keep complaining.
And now what happens with all these feelings over a relationship? What usually happens is that they corrode the relationship and, in many cases, even it gets irreparable because of the enormous distance that generates the resentment.
What for damaging our relationships if we can renew them by providing new options with a productive claim? And by that I mean to assert my right to have complyed the agreed politely but firmly because it is not our intention to crack the relationship, but on the contrary, when I claim, I'm checking for me and the other that I still appreciate this link, that I appreciate myself, and still trust the other party, and all this means I'm willing to open myself up to new options to ensure compliance of the agreed.
But for the claim to be productive I have to know how to formulate it and this we will see very deeply in the next article.
Let's see simple guidelines to generate a Productive Request and that our claim be effective
Leticia Stella Caro
Expanded potential
www.leticiastellacaro.com