Emotion vs Logic: This Town Is Big Enough for the Both of Us.
This weekend I got into another argument with my father-in-law. There are several things that he and I don't see eye to eye on... and almost none that we do.
But this particular argument has popped up constantly during the almost 20 years I have known him.
He simply cannot understand why I choose to be a special education teacher.
From his point of view, it is simply the most illogical choice I can possibly make. He knows I have been offered jobs that pay significantly higher salaries. He thinks I am either crazy, stupid, incompetent, scared or lazy. What else could explain the fact that I would turn down a $20,000 raise? It simply does not make logical or mathematical sense.
But here's the thing, not everyone is motivated by logic and math the way he is. For some people, emotion plays a huge role in what motivates them and the decisions they make.
If you have read many of my pieces, I think it's easy to see I am one of those people driven by emotion. (If you doubt me, check out any post about my family... or movies. Even war movies make me cry like a baby!)
Here's the question:
Does being emotional make me crazy, stupid, incompetent, scared or lazy? Does it mean that every decision I make is devoid of logic and common sense? No (at least I hope).
I don't make any decisions based 100% on emotion. I am self aware enough to know that emotion is a major factor in my decisions. I try to use logic to weigh the emotional payoff of a decision (sometimes I fail and the emotion blinds me... but I'm only human). I might even be able to put it in a mathematical equation.
For my father-in-law, the equation is simple:
More money = more happiness
For me its is a bit more complicated:
Spending time with my family + joy derived from helping kids +
earning enough money to support a family + job satisfaction = happiness.
I can't argue with him. He is not wrong. He simply has a different point of view. I get the logical arguments in favor of his way of thinking. In fact, I could even justify applying his way of thinking to myself. After all, if I made a ton of money, I would be in a better position to help my own children to succeed and have enough money to donate to charities that help kids.
But I would be absolutely miserable. Please don't get me wrong, if I absolutely had to take a job that didn't involve helping people in order to support my family, I would do it in a heartbeat and never complain. But I am blessed to not be in that position.
Because he is so logical about this topic, he simply can't see my true motivations. He projects his motivations onto me and therefore assumes the worst about me.
He simply doesn't "get" me.
So what is my point?
This interaction with my father-in-law reminded me of this community.
This community is built on technology. Because of this, the platform is bound to attract many mathematical and logical people. However, it is also a social media site. Therefore, it will attract a lot of emotional people as well.
Neither group is superior to the other. Both are valuable... but it is not an easy mix.
Using logic and math to try to convince someone not to be emotionally affected by something simply does not work. Conversely, using emotion to try and explain something to a very logical person may not work either.
In addition, it is important to recognize that individuals on here may be motivated by different things. If we all assume each of us has the exact same motivations, we may misinterpret each other's actions.
Because both play such a pivotal role here, when we make decisions that affect others, it would be wise to be weary of both logical and emotional consequences. If something is completely successful on a logical level but causes negative emotional reactions... then it is not totally successful on a social media platform. Conversely, if something satisfies on an emotional level but ignores the more analytical side of the platform, it too cannot be deemed a complete success.
Do I have a solution? No.
What I do have is hope that we can work together to find ways to bridge this gap and to create something that is successful on both an emotional and logical level. There are so many amazing people here. I sincerely hope we learn how to "get" each other.
It is an interesting article. There will always be a battle between the two. It is the yang and yang. The masculine and the feminine. Balance and harmony might be the best goal.
Yes! Balance and harmony would be wonderful!
If you have the same position after 20 years of arguments, it is not just your emotions that drive you.
If it is, then you are both lazy and stupid ;-) [<- this is a joke]
Yeah the guy hates me lol. I'm laughing but I'm not kidding. I have grown to accept it but you are dead on!
Of course the man hates you. You've been boinking his daughter for 2 decades. LOL (I'm kind of joking)
Lol. Yeah I'm sure that is on the list.
wow there are many benefits to being a special education teacher, hope he understands more in the future :)
btw that's such a great movie and reference to make to meet the fockers haha
Thanks! I figure after nearly 20 years, he's pretty set in his opinion. Which is ok. He sees things differently and that is fine. I was using it more as an allegory as to what I see happening here lately. I don't like steemit drama posts so I figured I could at least tell a story that might be a little more universal.
This is an excellent analogy and a great way to portray what is going on around here. If there is ever a time where a discussion is occurring in chat that could use someone who can see both sides of this equation, I would be happy to be brought in. I am most certainly someone who leans more toward emotional/passionate creativity. However I am married to a man who is almost my polar opposite in this sense, and it is a happy, balanced relationship.
Actually my steemit friendships reflect this exactly, as I am super fond of you, and ericvw, two undeniably emotional and passionate people for example, while also good friends with sigmajin who is constantly explaining the technical/mathematical sides of things to me. It is possible to maintain such differing relationships, even disagree wholeheartedly with one another, without it turning into an insurmountable, negative, terrible thing.
All of that to say: I love this platform, and I want to help in any way I can, so let me know if and when I'm needed, I will happily be the peacemaker if possible! :)
Thank you so much for recognizing the analogy. Because I believe people outside of steemit (and many on the inside) have absolutely no interest in posts about steemit drama, I try really hard not to write about it. Although the story I told is very true, my main point was that things like this "experiment" are failing to factor in human emotion.
You can use logic and math to explain all day long why the experiment is good for someone whose post just went from $1 to $.40 but that won't help how they feel emotionally when they see a flag or see their rewards drop. After all, I am guessing that for many people, the reward matters very little (it's $1!). It was the feeling generated by receiving a bigger vote than usual that was the true reward. It was the feeling that "you like me! you really really like me!" All of the good feelings are taken away by one significant flag.
Now if it was a significant amount for a new user (say they finally broke double digits) then the negativity is doubled. Not only do they suffer the emotional hit, they also suffer the financial one.
Would you tell your mom to sign up for a site that would do that to her?
The same is true of people jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst of others. Maybe someone is not a terrible evil person. Maybe they just have different motivations that lead to different actions. These actions may seem different if you understood the motivations behind them.
In order to practice what I preach, I am not accusing the people who are conducting this "experiment" of being evil or bad. I just think they are missing a big piece of the equation. This experiment can only be explained logically and mathematically (one may argue even those aspects are flawed). There are many situations where purely logical experiments are essential. However, on a social media platform involving humans beings with feelings, it seems like it is a mistake.
I like the way you see happiness and I have to say that I see it that way too! Thanks for the steem man, it was a great surprise to see that I got some steem from somebody else!
Thanks! I checked out a bunch of your posts and comments. Its tough to get to 4000! But to do it while being so positive and supportive of other people is truly remarkable. It's people like you who will truly help steemit to succeed!
To be honest, at the beginning I didn't understand how this works because I didn't have any social media account, and when I discovered Steemit and I start learning about it, I also start learning a little about FB and Twitter.
I learned about FB and Twitter just the usual things because Steemit is where I like to spend my free time and I will keep going.
Here a so many great people and I hope to engage with much more than I've done until now. Thank you very much for this great comment. I think people like you motivate me much more than I can imagine! Cheers!
If someone is unable or unwilling to understand the position of their conversational partner, to the extent that their ability to communicate is inhibited, then this is illogical.
If this is the case then you shouldn't punish yourself for "being illogical", unless you are intentionally maintaining a belief or thought which is relevant to the discussion while simultaneously knowing that there is something wrong with it.
The best results are reached when emotional needs are met through logical means.
To put it another way, when logical methods are used to reach goals determined emotionally.
Your goals are varied but probably include being happy, raising a family and ensuring your own continued existence.
To reach them, you have chosen the best compromise you could think of at the time when your pivotal career choices were forced upon you.
This does not mean that you have chosen the best possible career.
There are perhaps obscure occupations which you didn't think of at the time, would earn you more money, would leave you no more stressed or overworked than you are now, and which you would experience as equally or more fulfilling.
"The best results are reached when emotional needs are met through logical means.
To put it another way, when logical methods are used to reach goals determined emotionally."
That is a perfect way to state this! Thanks and welcome to the platform!
What if our only job, our only purpose, on this earth is to be happy? That puts another aspect into the equation for both logical and emotional people.
True. I would add be happy without hurting others.
And a measure of a person is what brings him/her this happiness.
Yes, agreed to both of those.
But I also think that anything called "happiness" that is at someone else's expense isn't actually happiness. Fleeting pleasure maybe.
Excellent point. Looks like we are on the same page about "happiness".
Thank you so much for the gift! It was an unexpected pleasure - which got me thinking further about the relationship between pleasure and happiness. Today's thinking on that is - ideally, happiness (or, even better, joy) would be our default setting, and it's an inside job, not reliant on what is happening around us. Though there will be times when we are experiencing other emotions, we would ideally come back to a happy state. Pleasure is the icing on the cake. It can intensify our happiness temporarily, but whether its good for us depends on whether it adds to our permanent happy state or ultimately detracts from it.
I probably don't need to go on, as I'm sure you get it completely. But relating this back to the original story - your current job gives you pleasure and satisfaction that feeds your internal happiness. You could still make a choice to be happy in another kind of job, and the extra money could enable you to do things that would be pleasurable. But you wouldn't get the same nourishment on a daily basis.
The basic tenets of some cultures!
Can't argue with that!
Your father-in-law "is not wrong" to a point.
Specifically $75,000.
That is an interesting article for sure. I think it is an excellent starting point but there will always be outliers on either side. It was till an interesting read though.
You're an incredible guy, @hanshotfirst! Keep being you, and keep being awesome!
Dang man that was a nice thing to say! Right back at you!
I'd like to add that to my comment! Also the back at you to @rigaronib ;)
D'aww, back atcha @dreemit! ;)
You bet, man! In these days and times, positivity and love are the most important things to spread around. :)
Money is not the only metric of value. What the hell does he care? Are you causing undue suffering in someone by taking a job that pays less? Is he expected to take up the slack financially or something? I can't see how it's any of his business at all.
Money will buy you things but it will never buy you more time with your family or true satisfaction.
He doesn't have a lot of hobbies. And I would NEVER ask him for money and his daughter and grandkids are fine. Some people just like to be crabby. But it's honestly no big deal. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was up nights worrying about it. Just made me think about how sometimes people misunderstand each other.