Shiftless Layabout - An Original Poem

gonzo (68)in #poetry • 9 years ago

Sarah, where are you?
in the kitchen making stew
or boiling bones for broth
like you sometimes do?

I’m just sitting here
trying to let life pass me by
but its claws are in so deep
and I can’t imagine why

I once mastered the art
of shiftlessness
laziness hopelessness
only my age changed
as the years rolled away
forgotten and stale
like beads of sweat
scenting my clothes
and occasionally reminding me
of the damage I’ve done

Things are different now
always engaged
my mind on autopilot
I am just a crash test dummy
moving in ways never expected
with words spilling off my tongue
that were never mine
and can never be refunded

I need quiet
I need peace
coveting stillness
to revisit fantasies
that camouflaged
my old prison walls

Is this the byproduct of love
like gasoline dumped in rivers
to keep the kerosene industry alight?
will I learn to harness this focus
before the atrophy engulfs my spark?

I remain awake longer than you
exercising the only muscle not ravaged
by lack of oxygen at birth
as our patterns become strained
and I revert to yours

This is a tight rope!
how many times can I fall
before the net refuses to catch me
as I pull and push you away?

Like watching in slow motion
as a violent man shakes his wife
or like the rhythm of endless waves
that take a little more sand
with each rejection
from the heartless beach

Do I deserve this life with you
as I push you out to sea
and pull you back to shore
wanting different things
moment to moment?

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