Ulog 77: Keeping Journals Is Therapeutic
I have always been a book person and writer; even back in the early years of adolescence. I could always be found with a book in hand, notebook and pen in bag or a scratch pad of paper in my purse. And some things never change. I am constantly thinking, forever coming up with new ideas for the homestead, recipes to try or ideas to expand my garden. And I know if I don't write down the ideas as soon as my brain churns the thought, it will be lost. I'll remember the basic idea, but all the after thought and intricate details will be out the window on a blustery day.
Even back in junior high school I was constantly doodling my thoughts. Writing on scraps of paper and tucking them safely into my backpack to enhance on later.
Recently in a therapy session with Pauline, she mentioned that since I am a creative person, writer and note taker, that I should start a more personal journal.
In the past, I have had what young girls refer to as diaries; the place to write about the boy I had a crush on. A location was private and out of reach of my brothers' evil clutches. A spot where all my hopes and dreams took on their own life and I was free to create, daydream and, of course, share my inner most thoughts.
Long gone are the days of writing who stole my heart this year of school. Absent are the words of jealousy of another girl who got asked to the Homecoming Dance by the boy I liked. Erased are the secrets I kept from my parents. I have replaced all those childhood dreams more recently with a few more journals of my adult life.
Pauline mentioned channeling into the young girl and the person I was before my auto collision and let me fingers just write. Write my emotions. Draw pictures and words into words. Create who I am now. Take the strengths from who GoldenDawne was pre-collision and let those feelings flow out of me.
At the moment, during our session, the idea of writing a journal to express my anger, fears and more sounded as if it was just what I needed to get out of this funk and move on with my life. But when I got home, brought out a new notebook and pen to sit down and write... All my thoughts escaped me. They vanished. I didn't have the heart to write at that moment in time. I was struggling with more than writers' block. I was suffering from another (deeper) PTSD blockage.
So instead of becoming frustrated, I set aside the personal journal and dug out my homestead journal, my gardening journal and my household folder. I have always found comfort in the pages of the lists, ideas and designs I had created in these books... So I thought these could help lift me up and open the thought process to get my personal journal rolling.
Seeing my old garden plans from years gone by made me start thinking about what I need to do to plan out this year's garden. Companion planting, crop rotation, moving my gourds, eggplant, paprika peppers and other vegetable plants to a new location.
My mind started whirling... and for about two hours my focus was solid. My life felt renewed. My world was so happy!
I moved onto my homesteading journal and notebook where I kept a list of skills I have been wanting to learn. Items I wanted to add to our little 1/3 acre of property and new ideas to implement to becoming even more self-sufficient.
My mood continued to go up!
Next up was my household notebook. This is where I keep our budget, old list of goals we have wanted to reach and which ones we succeeded at. It's also where I have a sketch of what our final property will be like and some adult dreams of the perfect homestead. Hey... we all have them in our minds, don't we?
I was on the edge of elation now!
Before the feeling of merriment and joy escaped me, I grabbed the personal journal notebook...
And started writing. I wrote about how my physical pain never leaves. I asked a question about "does the truck driver think about me every day, as I think about him and his truck every day?" I ranted about how mad I was to be sitting at that intersection when I was blind-sided by that jack-knived trailer. I cussed about how I HATE having my life disrupted by medical appointments EVERY week since last autumn. I was heartless.
When I was done, I was actually crying and my handwriting had become shaky and at times almost illegible.
BUT DANG did I feel good!
I remember releasing a HUGE sigh of relief, wiping away a few tears and setting the journal on my desk. I haven't written in it since that day... but I know I will one day. I just need to get to that breaking point again. Until then, I have re-read those few pages dozens, if not hundreds, of times. I find myself tearing up and know I am healing; perhaps only mentally- but healing is healing.
As Pauline says, "this is all a process. Don't expect instant relief. Don't look for an answer on day one. Be patient and it'll all come in time."
So... I wait. I wait for release to come. I wait for the forgiveness to appear. I wait for the pain to stop. It's OK... I am a patient person.
Until then... I have my journals.
Blessing to your healing journey @goldendawne, it does takes time to heal I guess... I'm still waiting for my SLE too go to sleep and not to interrupt my organs anymore.
Besides that, writing journal is therapeutic indeed, I lost all my notebooks when I moved away from my hometown, such lost...
This is an idea I have had a hard time expressing clearly to those in my RL. Content creation is my therapeutic outlet, from editing images and video to writing blog posts. It’s all a release for me while also being the distraction I need from my internal turmoils.
Posted using Partiko iOS
Thank you so much for participating in the Partiko Delegation Plan Round 1! We really appreciate your support! As part of the delegation benefits, we just gave you a 3.00% upvote! Together, let’s change the world!
Yess! That is absolutely right. Whenever, i feel down or things I want to get out of my mind, I just start writing things and it made more relaxed and at ease after I finish less than 5 sentences even if I wasn't finished yet.
@goldendawne, Some habits never separate from us and when that habit is good then definitely it will help us to manifest so much. Hope that your thoughtful world will bring more abundance to you. Stay blessed.
This comment was made from https://ulogs.org
Thanks for sharing. It is indeed a big help, a therapeutic process if we write our thoughts and to keep sane. I think and I believe that writing saved me from totally going to the dark side. I used to keep diaries and at one point I addressed a diary as Y2K. I was at my low point. I was on the verge of giving up. All it took was one page at a time to help me cope. Sometimes I write what I really feel. Sometimes I write things that will push the darkness away. Writing helped me to ignore that darkness. I still acknowledge that darkness (Hell, darkness, my old friend), but I don't dwell on it that much anymore. It still gets to me but I know how to handle it. I still tear up just thinking about those days, those moments. It does take time to heal. Perhaps we never will but we grow stronger.
Hi @goldendawne!
Your post was upvoted by @steem-ua, new Steem dApp, using UserAuthority for algorithmic post curation!
Your UA account score is currently 4.829 which ranks you at #1375 across all Steem accounts.
Your rank has dropped 2 places in the last three days (old rank 1373).
In our last Algorithmic Curation Round, consisting of 236 contributions, your post is ranked at #103.
Evaluation of your UA score:
Feel free to join our @steem-ua Discord server
Oh my gosh! This was so good to read and I am sad to hear about your accident. The pain of course is another story, as it has also become my life companion and only in the weather changes does it sometimes get to beat me. But the little child within struggles on.
Journaling was also a habit, but now they are all packed in boxes and stashed away. I fool myself by thinking one day I will condense them all into a series of books, but I think that day will never come.
So glad to hear that you are healing and it is certainly not easy, but you will get there.
Many times I asked why I was not rather killed, but now I know and I hope so do you, that we were saved for a purpose and we are living that purpose now.
Blessings and all prayers to you my friend!
Btw. Your post has also stirred a tear within me!
You have poured out your mind on your post and I could feel your emotions. Writing is a good way to move on and release your pain. Last time I have made a journal was during my college days. Maybe I should start writing again. The pain will past and one day you will forgive to move on.
I used to journal quite a bit back in high school and into my early adult years. I somehow got out of the habit of doing it. I think part of it is now that I am married, my wife has become that sounding board that I used to use journaling for. Plus she knows me well enough that no matter how crazy what comes out of my mouth sounds, I am still in my right mind!
Oh yes.. I talk with my husband often, but then some days I feel as though I'm being a burden to him. I don't like that at all... being in counseling has helped some. I'm hoping to get to the journaling on a more daily basis... one day.
I don't go to one personally, but I think that many people can benefit from counseling. I think there is a stigma around it though that needs to be lifted. Many people are too proud or too scared to go to counseling when really it is just a good way to lift so many burdens off yourself. People need that safe place to vent...