**Dorky Contest** (Entry One: "Magic Sucks")

This post actually started as a simple comment. But I thought the idea from which this comment was produced was so neat, I thought I'd make a post to promote it. And I think it's a pretty amusing story ;)

Thanks to @pretty.dorky for holding the first (but undoubtedly, not the last) Dorky Contest(#1), in which contestants submit their not-quite-brightest moments, in a effort to outdo one another in stupidity.

I think I have a pretty good one.

I call it: "Magic Sucks"

Okay. So... on the subject of "sucking..." When I was about 13, I had a (very) brief fascination with magic--ya know, the kind with rabbits and wands and people sawed in half; not the game that the kids in the lunchroom wearing trench coats liked to play (kidding).

One afternoon, while home alone, I had the brilliant idea that I would "invent" my own trick.

This "trick" involved a fairly simple "sleight of hand," in which I would present a small object (at the time, a wadded up ball of paper) by holding it between my fingers. I would then say, "Watch! As I make this item disappear!" I then balled-up my hand, brought it to my mouth, and "blew." I then opened my hand to reveal that the item has now vanished.

It doesn't take a rocket surgeon to figure out how this "trick" worked: instead of blowing on the paper, my bright idea was to instead suck the paper into my mouth--thereby rendering it "disappeared."

Well, in order to produce a believable enough "blowing" sound, I really had to suck on that ball pretty good... So, while standing in front of a mirror, I proceeded with my trick:

"Watch! As I make this paper ball DIS-APPEAR!! Swwwouppp!!"

Well, it disappeared alright: right down my windpipe.

I started to panic. There was nobody home, and it was the middle of the day so most people (neighbors) were at work. Luckily, it never became that serious. I remembered seeing or hearing somewhere, about a similar situation that occurred; the guy had given *himself * the Heimlich Maneuver by, essentially "falling," diaphragm first, onto the corner of a chair or table or something.

I knew I had to act fast.

I ran downstairs. I could feel the little ball of paper scratching in my throat as the blood started rising in my face and head.

I angled my torso just above the corner of our tufted sofa, and went for it.

Push, push "Pflugh!" The paper ball--now, more like a disgusting--and deadly--spit-wad, flew across the living room--splatting down on the nearby linoleum floor.

(Gives a whole new meaning to the term, "sucky performance," eh?)

Needless to say, that was pretty much the end of my career as a magician.

tl;dr: I almost choked to death while attempting a "made-up" magic trick.

(You can view the original post here: https://steemit.com/newbiegames/@pretty.dorky/dorky-contest-1#@gjones15/re-prettydorky-dorky-contest-1-20180329t015755099z. Thanks for reading!)