Only my aunty calls me that...
I only ever used to get called dear by my aunty but now I seem to get called it by loads of people, none of which I know. I get many comments about my posts like:
- "Nice post dear friend"
- "Thank for share post my dear"
- "Excellent post dear @galenkp"
- "I follow you dear, you follow me dear" (This is my favourite. Actually not, that was sarcasm. Google it)
I thought I'd investigate the actual meaning of the word dear which I actually already know but by indicating that I researched it justifies this post with hard data. You can see my research findings below.
Adjective:
Regarded with deep affection
Expensive (British)
Noun:
Used as an affectionate or friendly form of address.
Adverb:
At high cost (British)
Exclamation:
Used in expressions of surprise, dismay of sympathy.
So now we know what it means I wonder if it's being used correctly on steemit by many users when applied to a stranger. Actually, I don't wonder, I know! Calling someone dear, a person you don't know, or are not close to, is weird and quite off-putting. It's creepy actually. It's especially creepy when it's said to me by another man. Creeepy! I believe the word, when used as an adjective, should only be applied between people in a close, personal relationship.
I recall once, long ago, I must have been 2 or 3 years old. My aunty came over to my place and said "hello dear" to me and I said to her, "hey listen aunty, can you stop calling me dear? I have a name and would prefer you use it. Of course, this is on'y my wish and a request. You can do with it as you will. You can continue to call me dear knowing I do not like it, or you can cease and desist."
She desisted from that point onwards to call me dear knowing I did not like it. That's respect for you! So, the last time I got called dear to my face was some 45 years ago and that's how I would have preferred it to stay. But now, I'm inundated by creepiness and people I don't know calling me dear.
Anyway, I hope some of the steemit people who call me dear read this post and come to a decision on whether to call me dear or not. They can continue of course, however I hope they desist. I understand fully that many of the people on steemit do not call english their first language and may not understand the concepts involved however this post is not about a language barrier; It's about a person, [me] who thinks it's creepy to be calling someone dear as above.
The really smart people will cease to use it and will start commenting on my posts with validity after having actually read the post they comment on. That way they have a greater chance of getting a vote.
[- Design and create your ideal life, don’t live it by default - @galenkp -]
Photo of my aunty (who is not actually my aunty) by Alex Harvey on Unsplash - Thanks champ, much appreciated.
damn, I was going to write this post tonight! I was going to include sir and boss too.
Write it anyway, yours will be better. Mine’s just a barely veiled rant. :)
What's the problem? You can call me "sir" or "boss" anytime. 😜
Only today I've been called Dearie, Sweetheart and Baby - in the same comment!! I must have made quite an impression on this user!
What annoys me is being called brother - I get it you don't read the post, but at least check the name...whatever...
Haha, yeah, with the name @ladyrebecca I can imagine that getting called bro or brother might be somewhat annoying. Getting called dear by people that I don’t know is weird and when blokes do it I find it as creepy as hell. They might as well call me sweetheart which would be equally creepy and somewhat disturbing.
What’s wrong with using a persons name?
If these individuals read the post and simply made some relevant comment they’d go a whole lot further I think.
Ok, I got it..I won’t use it anymore 😞
Hey @danielapetk I just checked out your blog and am going to give you a follow. It looked well written and interesting. Thanks for commenting on my post, much appreciated.
Thank you, @galenkp! I am flattered! :)
Dear me, that was good! 😀 It bothers me too. Even at work I'll get emails or chat messages that start with "Hello dear,". Makes me cringe everytime.
Cringe-worthy for sure.
Oh, dear! Isn't it funny that some people are so familiar when they don't know you? I'll bet you get at least 1 comment that includes "dear."
I’d take that bet but we’d both be on the same side of it! My post was just a little rant is all. If they knew me in real life dear wouldn’t even come to mind as something to call me, in any circumstance. :)
Haha I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post @galenkp The weird thing is, although I agree with your sentiments, I find myself calling people 'Dear' too, but generally to my female friends I knew pre-steemit as we have established firm friendships already. I find the older I get, the more that 'en'dear'ment is attached to my name.......from random otherwise complete strangers. Its uncomfortable, especially coming from males, but I figure they see me as a grandmotherly figure and say it with an indulgent pat on the head. Following.
I don’t see that as an issue though as you have a relationship with those people. If it was some random person you don’t know at all then I think it’s a little odd.
Thanks for your comment @trudeehunter
Yes, I quite agree. But perhaps as you suggest @galenkp it is more acceptable in certain cultures. I also find it uncomfortable when people get really close to me when having a conversation. I’m not a fan of having my personal space invaded like this. A different story if you’re talking about my grandchildren though. 😌
Haha i don't know what to say but i think people use it on a neutral ground to address a person instead of using the person's name directly which might be offensive to some people. And some dislike people calling them sir for a man and ma for a woman.
@inspiredgideon1 I think using someone’s name is preferable.
Ok but also is dependent on people. For me, any of them i still answer them but i try to know my limit with people so that i don't react in situation that requires my calmness
When addressing others the default needs to be their name as without prior information or relationship calling them by anything but their name could cause offense, intentional or not. If a person does not have the courtesy to address someone they have just met or are interested in engaging with by their name then they need to accept the consequences which could be anything from annoyance to backlash. If you were introduced to my wife and called her dear or sweetie or anything but her name I can assure you it would not be received well and you would be judged and come up wanting. If you were introduced to my wife and called her dear or sweetie or anything but her name I can assure you it would not be received well and you would be judged and come up wanting.
Whether you (or anyone else) answer to being called anything at all is irrelevant. My post is about affording others respect and using a persons name until advised otherwise is respectful. I don’t know what goes on in some other places around the world but I think using people’s names, or titles if appropriate, is respectful.
Courtesy is contagious. Default to the most polite and acceptable term you can use when engaging with others...Their name, until advised otherwise. Default to the most polite and acceptable term you can use when engaging with others...Their name, until advised otherwise.
That's true sir. Thanks for your views
Very interesting story Mr. Galenkp :) Is it ok for you? I will consider your advice, all the best.
King galenkp, Lord galenkp, asshole, dick head...Anything but dear because that shit creeps me out.
My name works well though, that’s what most people call me.
I've noticed I call girls, 'love' sometimes. I think I picked it up from Dad.
If she's giving me food through the drive thru window, there's a certain amount of affection generated, which wants to express itself.
If she looks a little SJW, I'll go in another direction; but if she's just a sweet teenager handing over some nuggets, she'll usually get a 'Thankyou, love'
Maybe I was born a few decades late.
I don’t think that’s an issue. I couldn’t imagine you writing steemit comments to other blokes like...good comment love, please follow me though right?
Arseum post dear you are follow me back