Know What You REALLY Want - Or Fail

In previous posts, we talked about some of the ways you can be freer tomorrow. In the next few posts, I will be focusing on getting what you want in life. Unless you are incredibly lucky, the things you want in life are not going to just drop into your lap. Getting what you want in life isn't easy. You're going to need the personal strength to work for them. It is a multi-step process. Happily, each step helps build the strength you will need for the next step. Step 1 is to know what you really want in life.

You have to figure out what you REALLY want in life

How do you figure that out? The "follow your passion" approach is quite popular. Unfortunately, it is also quite wrong.

The Failings of the "Follow Your Passion" Approach

If you've spent some time working to improve yourself, you've probably noticed something. Most of the "self-help" advice being published these days really sucks. I'm seeing a lot of, "follow your passion and the universe will reward you" crap. It all sounds lovely. Just get that basket weaving degree and get cracking.

You will love what you are doing and somehow, everything will be wonderful. The world will recognize your genius and passion. You will become rich. Your ideal partner will find his or her way to you. Everything you want will materialize for you because of your passion for weaving baskets.

But life doesn't work that way. Especially when times are tough like today. No one will give a damn about your baskets. You won't become rich and famous. The man or woman of your dreams isn't going to miraculously find you and bring you endless happiness. All the passion and wishing and affirmations in the world won't make it happen.

There are two flaws in the "follow your passion" approach. The first is that passion is enough to somehow bring you success. All you have to do is think this through to see the fallacy. Tens of millions of kids have a passionate desire to be Olympic athletes. And only a few thousand make it.

Sadness will be your fate if you don't know what you really want.

Know What You Really Want or You Will Fail to Get it

The second flaw to this approach is built in right at the start. You need to "follow your passion" for basket weaving or you won't be happy.

Really?

Do you really want to build your life around some job (whether you are passionate about it or not)? Do you really want this to be the focus of your existence? When you're on your death bed, do you really want to look back and say I was the best damn basket weaver in the world?

Or do you want all that other stuff instead? Do you really want the:

• Money
• Fame
• Wonderful life partner
• Happiness

And all that other stuff that is supposed to come your way when you "follow your passion?"

You Must Decide What You Really Want

Figuring out what you really want in life can be hard. In the USA, most adults know what they are supposed to want. The media tells you what you are supposed to want, and believe, and do. Advertisers use the latest psychological research to manipulate you into wanting whatever $#!+ they are selling. But digging out what you, personally, really truly want can take some serious work.

I'm not the guy to tell you how to figure this out. I wrestled with it for a long time, and I am sure there are more efficient ways of doing it. If you think it will help you, leave me a message at the end of this article. If enough people are interested, I'll try and reconstruct the path I followed and do a post about it for you.

Your best bet is probably to consult wiser heads than me to help you figure this out. I suggest you:

• Look for someone who has similar life experiences to you and has moved past them
• If their focus is more on your job than the rest of your life, look elsewhere
• If someone tries to convince you to "follow your passion," look elsewhere immediately

You Must Accept What You Really Want

Or perhaps the problem is that you know what you want and it isn't what you are supposed to want. Society has expectations for us. It puts massive pressure on us to conform to those expectations. And part of that pressure is to like certain things and dislike other things. To want certain things and to not want other things.

An awful lot of us know what we want in life...and we know it isn't what society says we should want. We might want something that we are unwilling to admit to others because we know they won't approve. Our parents want us to be doctors, but we want to be video game designers. Society wants us to work our asses off to buy crap we don't need, but we want to live a minimalist lifestyle.

We know that if we do what we want to do, it will upset someone. We will disappoint Mom. The people around us will rag on about how we're wasting our potential. If we care about the opinions of others, this noise can make us feel bad about ourselves. It can make us pursue things in life that we don't really want, in order to avoid upsetting expectations and feeling bad about ourselves.

This is something you need to get over if you are going to be freer and happier in the future. The pain of violating expectations, of pissing off your friends and family, is real. But it goes away. The pain of living a life you don't want, just so someone else isn't annoyed, never goes away.

Again, I am not an expert on doing this, but you have to do it somehow. If it takes professional help, go for it. You can wreck your life living this way.

Keep Your Mouth Shut

Or maybe you really know what you want and accept it. But you know that others won't accept your choices. In today's crazy world, people think they have the right to force you to think, to live, the way they want you to. So you may have to take steps to protect yourself.

For an extreme example, look at the 2016 US Presidential election.

People know they are supposed to want Hillary Clinton to be the next President. The media says so. The government says so. Screaming mobs of professional protesters demand that they support Hillary. If someone says they don't support Hillary, they are asking for trouble. People might call them names. Their friends might shun them. Their Twitter account will suddenly disappear. Or even worse. As a result, many people in the USA are unwilling to say that they support Donald Trump for President.

So what's the solution? When friends ask, they say what they are expected to say. When pollsters call, they tell the caller what they expect to hear. Or they hang up. They keep their mouths shut and their true feelings to themselves. They keep their true feelings to themselves to avoid unnecessary trouble.

Sometimes you have to keep your mouth shut

They May Have to Lie. You Might Too

When pressed, they may have to lie to protect themselves. It sucks that they need to do it, but there is nothing wrong with this. Remember that this is a response to people trying to force them to do what they don't want to do. To live their lives the way someone else wants them to. To think the way some self-appointed authority wants them to.

You may need to take this approach too.

I know that it is very "in" to tell everyone what you are going to do. It can definitely help you achieve goals when your friends and family will harass you if you don't. However, where people won't accept what you want to do, keeping your mouth shut is probably the way to go. Over time, you are likely to end up with a new set of friends that actually agrees with you, and supports you, but that's a topic for another post.

This is Step 1

Once you know what you really want in life, you are facing in the right direction. Are you guaranteed to get everything you want? Hell no. Are you guaranteed to get any of it at all? No! But you at least have a fighting chance now. One that doesn't rely on dumb luck or supernatural intervention. You've taken your first step.