A Smile and A Million Wounds.

Jogja is not yet awake. Faint from the slit of the breath window was still heard. Heartbeat still clinking. The hand was still throbbing. Slowly I open my eyes. Just like yesterday. I still see a box of my little room. Still with the same wall. The pink color and the emblem of my favorite football club, Manchester United. Still seeing the beautiful writings weaved on the roof 'Congratulations, an Azmya is still breathing today. May be an unforgettable day. Lets smile'. Every time I wake up from my night dreams, I will definitely see and read the writing. And slowly I smile.

Yes. My name is Azmya Azzahra Ramadhani. I am a high school student in Jogja this year. Maybe I am some of the lucky people in this world. I have a mother who loves me very much, Dad is always attentive to me, and brother who understands me. Even so, I may as well be some of the unlucky people of this world. Yes, I have a disease with absolutely no cure. Doctor sentenced my time only briefly. Maybe when I was 20 I could no longer walk, twenty-three years old I could not talk anymore, twenty-five years old I could not breathe anymore.

I sometimes wonder why should I get this disease? Why should a Azmya feel? Is not there any other human being who has this kind of illness besides me ?. Sometimes I also ask my mother, "Mom, can I go to college?" "Mom, will I be able to work?" "Mom, can I get married and have a child?" The answer is always the same "You can do". But besides the jewab, I do not believe it immediately, I always thought he just wanted to calm me down.



I have many things I want to tell you, but I'm afraid I'll worry him. Even so, maybe my mom already knows what will happen to me even though I do not tell her anything. Before I turned 17, everything remained the same as the rest, remained the same as my schoolmates, staying the same as any other human being who lived healthy. But after that, I was 17 years old. One by one the oddities came to me. Slowly everything changes. I so often fall, my eyes blur, I'm not very good at calculating the exact distance, until now I'm not good at writing.

Actually I have long known myself. Probably around me sitting in 3 primary school classes, my parents are talking about me. At that time I was not so worried, maybe because I do not know very well what the disease is. At that time, I always write my life story in my diary so that at some point when I have forgotten something, this book can remind me. It is still clearly written "spinocerebellar ataxia, a fatal and incurable disability disease". Yes, it turns out I was born normally but I was also born deformed. Not a physical flaw like most people, not a handicap like I have no hands, feet, or anything. Everything is complete. But, one part of my brain that is the cerebellum of volume becomes smaller than normal (atrophy) and over time causes difficulties in controlling gestures.

That day when I was in high school. The weather was rather sunny with the soft August breeze. After the class was over and all the students rushed to get home, I felt my legs go limp and I fell instantly. I tried to get up, but I was shocked by someone's helping hand. "Can I help you?" He said. Suddenly I see his face. A class 2 guy famous in school. Actually I also like it, but because of my circumstances, I dare not do it. I'm afraid to love someone. At that moment, I just admired him in silence. Since that meeting, we are getting closer. When I fell, he was always beside me, just as he held out his hand for me.

'Kringgggggg ...', the sound of the phone at the end rang
"Hello," I said
"Hello, can you talk to Azmya?"
"Yeah me, who am I talking to?"
"This is bang Ryu, are you busy?"
Immediately I was shocked, but I was very happy. The second-grade guy called me.
"Emm .. not really. What's bang? "
"Go to the book store yuk, there's a new book you should read. I picked yah ", the voice on the other end made my chest tight. I do not know why like this. Probably due to excessive pleasure. I'm guessing for myself. Or maybe something else about my illness? Ahh .. I do not think I want to think about that. All I think I'll go with him.
"Eh kok diem, still there?", His voice back sounded, I was shocked
"Eh emm yes, I get ready ya"
"Okay, I'm right there. See you later"
"See you later"
I hung up the phone with trembling hands. But my smile never goes away. I was so happy that day. There's a taste I've never tasted before. There is a sense that never comes from the many ages that I have spent.

I'm getting closer to him, even I'm in a relationship with a class 2 boy, my sister's class.

Day after day, month after month, new school year begins. I stepped on the second grade of high school, while Ryu one more step will enter the college level. I'm 17 years old. There's been a lot of strange happenings in me. Suddenly I fell for no reason, my movement stopped in a few minutes, even now I'm no good at writing. Doctors say the disease is getting more acute and has resulted in a worsening motor system. No wonder, now I can not determine the exact distance. Although everything in my life as in thousands of tears, but there is a smile in it. Ryuta Wiratama. Yes, that's the name that gave rise to the smile that decorate my face everyday. Ryu knew about my illness, but she did not pay any attention to it. I always see his smile spread every time with me. The gentle glow of his eyes made me forget the burden of my life. To this day where an Azmya is getting worse, a Ryu remains in that flavor. Stay there for me.

End