Challenging Love to Be Unconditional - Part 51

SPARK OF INSPIRATION

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Birthday Intermission Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20Intermission No. 2 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24 Part 25 Part 26 Part 27 Part 28 Part 29 Part 30 Intermission No. 3 Part 31 Part 32 Part 33 Part 34 Part 35 Part 36 Part 37 Part 38 Part 39 Part 40 Intermission No. 4 Part 41 Part 42 Part 43 Part 44 Part 45 Part 46 Part 47 Part 48 Part 49 Part 50 Intermission No. 4

Though I had always lived in a more sustainable way than most people I knew, and happier than most too, being with Quinn really amplified my awareness of the differences between our life at the @gardenofeden, and the life others had created for themselves.  It really saddened me to feel the difficulties and the pain of so many on this planet, and how I too was still conditioned with so many limitations that wouldn’t allow me to break free and be of true service to others.

I was at the same time hopeful, knowing Quinn had solutions to the problems presented by life, and I was extremely grateful that I got to be a part of such a magnificent adventure where solutions are made manifest.

Living a semi ”normal”  life in the past, I could see how most people had no idea the depths of the problems in their personal lives, our society or the world, let alone the need for solutions.  This lack of awareness amplified my desire to help shine the light on the things that could truly change lives and society forever.  I knew I did not want to die with the music still in me, and I wanted to make a true difference with my presence.

The more I became aware of, the more I felt great discord inside between what I was already living at the @gardenofeden through the wisdom Quinn shared, and what I was discovering about my own deeply buried and fully integrated ideas about how things “should” be.   

Though I had 24 hours of my day to contribute, I also had some internal things that I wanted to control, which kept the full vision of the Garden of Eden from moving forward.  I had attachments to some of the ways I had created things to be, feeling uneasy about change in embracing the unknown.  I was wise enough to admit to myself I was coming from a place of disconnection from source and pure potential, and therefore couldn’t truly open to full contribution while holding on to what was.

Having never heard of anyone with real life confirming solutions as Quinn, and feeling the magic that was on the verge of breaking through, I knew I was hindering greater potential by my own trepidations.  I was lacking the ability and personal responsibility to hold space for such a grand vision myself, and I prayed to the Universe to show me the way to unleash, let the magic take hold, and how in the grand scheme of things I could truly be of service to the betterment of humanity.  

I sat with myself and meditated for weeks on end.  I continued to be still and pray that I could step up to whatever challenges would arise so that I could play my role in setting a powerful example of another way.  

Finally my prayers were answered.  A genuinely radical inspiration showed itself, which through my conditioned response was “NO WAY!”.  I brushed it off as a ridiculous idea, and brushed it away again and again as I wanted to still be in control.  My ideas and resistance continued to hold me apart from stepping up to truly immerse myself in the magnificence!  No matter what I did, I couldn’t seem to hide from the potential answer, as it kept repeating itself time and time again, as did more opportunities to show me my limitations.  

I decided to give it true consideration and really look at why I was trying to avoid the possibility.  As with most things that I attempted to deny, I discovered that the inspiration was not the problem, but fear was once again rearing its ugly head.  This was a test to the core of my being, as I had LOTS of ideas and generations of conditioning to overcome. 

I finally found it within myself to embrace one layer of fear after another, and instead of being paralyzed by it, I challenged myself to breathe.  I did a lot of soul searching, and went through scenarios in my mind of what would happen if I followed through with this divine inspiration, and what would be the outcome if I didn’t.  Of course I had no idea what the future would hold, so my mind would at first immediately jump to the worst case scenario, giving me a front row seat in the movie of my own fears.

So I intentionally meditated on shifting my perspective to a positive outcome, as I knew that thoughts and words with lots of emotion create my reality.  My meditations and night time dreams began to confirm the answer from the Universe, and I could feel the magic of great value shine through.  With light shining on the awareness of how acting on this inspiration would affect so many people, I felt joyous while basking in my expanding inner peace.  

Working through my own personal fears and embracing the potential for the unfolding of love to be the answer, I was elated with the possibilities.  I came to confidently know that by facing my limitations, and getting out of the way of true progress, that something even more profound was highly likely to transpire at the Garden of Eden.   I tuned into the bigger picture of my purpose on this planet, and knew I was here for this reason.  FINALLY!!!

Ahhhhhh….Now that I was feeling secure, inspired and in easy flow with letting go and embracing the inspiration, another fear presented itself….sharing the inspired idea with others...specifically my children!

Aargh...more layers of fear!!!  I was afraid that my decision to embrace the inspiration could affect my relationship with my kids forever, and of course there was the possibility that some day I could live to regret my decision on their behalf.  My children were the joy of all of my years, and I didn’t want to hurt them or jeopardize their futures in any way.  This was an extremely heavy burden to face, which I discovered was where the foundation of my fears were based. 

But, alas, the euphoria of potential moved me so deeply, I chose to face that intense fear too! 

It was interesting to me how much resistance I had, considering how I felt about Quinn.  I energetically KNEW this man from the inside.  I KNEW his heart, I KNEW his vision.  I KNEW his capabilities.  I KNEW his intentions.  And I trusted him deeply from a place I cannot explain.  Insight into the depths of my own conditioning was ever more apparent, when feeling the intensity of my fear challenging the intensity of my love.

Thank you for reading my blog and for going on this journey with me toward Unconditional Love!

Stay Tuned for Part 52

Check out the @gardenofeden website too to see how we're doing our part to change the world.