The Problem Of Venue

“You may now kiss the bride!”
Come and see…

The lack of VENUE has saved many a wanton youth from some trouble.
When hormones rage in young boys, hardly can they manage the outcome if they indulge.
You can’t take her home; or your mother will skin the both of you alive…
You have no money to go rent a room; except if you go and steal…
You can’t even kiss her on the streetz cuz people be watching.
So what you gon do??

I think we pay a great price for our conservativeness.
For White people who kiss freely on the streets… I think practice makes perfect.
For one, if they’re doing it wrong, some passer-by with ample experience could stop to put them right.
Simply tap the guy, ask him to hold your briefcase for a bit, then gently hold his girl’s neck, and do it right.

For once our people finally get that venue they’ve been craving since they turned fifteen, they unleash all their bottled urges on each other, and chew their lips instead of licking them.
In the end, that’s how they know to do it. That’s how they’ll do it on their wedding day.
So maybe the Nigerian template for bringing up teenagers is due for a review.
Nigerians ought to stop insulting Buhari and address issues such as this.

Furthermore,
He who will have lunch will be gentle with his breakfast; and he who will dinner, his lunch.
It is he who is unsure of lunch or dinner that will devour his breakfast quickly and ask for more.
Likewise, he who will see his girl tomorrow, will let her go today.
It is he who is not sure of venue tomorrow… whose parents are out of town… that will want to break a girl’s waist today that he has the rare opportunity.
Parents mischievously know that the lack of venue will keep their children from wanton affiliations.
They ought to know that it is a double-edged sword.

When he or she is a teenager and has started to make friends with the opposite sex, let their friends come home. That way, you know who they’re rolling with, and what those persons are capable of.
When they stop coming home, you’re likely to know why. And then you can look into the matter.

“You May Kiss The Bride” ought to be the highest moment of a marriage ceremony.
It is the crescendo. The peak. The summit.
It is beautiful when the bride is kissed; moreso when she is kissed just right.
Whenever the kissing is a battle and a chewing of lips…
Or a confusion of which way to go; or a shoddy meeting of the lips…
I simply stand up, straighten, look in the direction of the couple’s parents, shake my head, and walk away.

I have zero tolerance for such, wallahi.