The Open Arms Of Darkness

Within the circle was a five-pointed star; an inverted pentagram drawn within. The name of Lucifer to the south; Beelzebub to the west; Astaroth to the east; Asmodeus to the northwest; and Berith to the northeast. Another circle was drawn around the names to seal them. On the outer rim of the circle were talismans drawn to represent the names. It was complete. I was alone. Outside the circle I felt anxious, yet ready to go through with an incantation to summon something I believed I could contain and control. My heart was racing in anticipation. Stepping into the circle and positioning myself in the middle of the star, I felt the atmosphere change. It felt dense and heavy. My breathing became labored as the light seemed to dim unnaturally. The hair on the back of my neck stood on end and chills came over me. What was I getting myself into? I was but a child. Not far beyond the age of thirteen.

I did not feel alone any longer. It was as if something was lurking in the shadows and staring at me with unseen eyes. I began to second guess my actions. Something was very different about this and I wondered what presence was about me. I became uncertain and fear overtook me. I could not utter one word of the incantation. No matter how hard I tried, the words would not come out. However, incantation or not, the intention was there and my desires were clear. Though I would not go through with the ceremony, my hunger for darkness remained.

As a father of two sons, when I look back on these events in my life I cannot imagine my children doing such things. Ceremonial magic? How does a child get to this point in their life? What events could possibly lead someone to such things? Those who know about the black arts, know that there are dangers involved. For a thirteen-year-old child to attempt a ceremony as described above raises many questions. No doubt there were events that influenced this behavior. Indeed. I had learned in the Occult that there is a path called the “left hand path”. One need not know about it to take it. The enemy has a way of placing crumbs in your path and if you aren’t aware, you will follow the crumbs.

This path is a well beaten path; traveled by many throughout our history. You cannot simply turn around and go back. It doesn’t work that way. It tempts you to keep going; allowing curiosity and intrigue to lead you. That which you seek could be just around the corner; power and enlightenment could be yours. The lusts of the flesh abound. Nothing is off-limits. Whatever you desire will be given to you for a price, but you are not aware that you are paying a price. You are not aware that what you seek will cost you everything. You are blind to the ramifications of your choices.

How then can a thirteen-year-old succumb to such things willingly?

Life is not a one-size fits all situation. We all have different upbringings; different traditions, different religions, different customs. Some of us have been raised in loving homes, while others were left unloved and neglected. Life is what it is. Regardless of who we are and where we come from, there have been events in our lives that have shaped us. And let’s be honest, when we are children we are at the mercy of the adults that are around us. Good or bad, that’s the way it is. Unfortunately for many of us, some of these adults say things they should not say and do things they should not do. Many adults have the point of view that kids just get over things; that kids are too young to remember or too naïve to be affected. They could not be more wrong.

When a child is introduced to things that would make most moral adults feel uncomfortable, it has a tendency to have negative effects. And if mixed with confusion, violence, anger, instability, and immorality, what you are left with is a volatile mixture. A child’s mind can only process so much. I was that child. I speak from experience. And though my story may be different than many who read these words, I know there are some of you who can relate to what I write. Circumstances in my childhood pushed me towards the darkness and the darkness embraced me. With open arms, it sought to fan the flames of my anger and confusion by introducing itself in a different way. Instead of being afraid of violence, it encouraged me to embrace it. Instead of hiding from immorality, it allowed me to feed on it. And in order to feed on these things, I had to have access to it.

I quickly discovered the world of fantasy, horror, and superheroes. Movies like Conan the Barbarian, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Sword and the Sorcerer, and Excalibur had my full attention. Instead of seeing these movies as nothing more than entertainment, I paid close attention to all the supernatural and superhuman parts. I wondered to myself, “Could any of this be real”? I wanted what many of the characters had; the ability to subdue their enemies or conjure up some form of entity at will. It was power that they had. Whether used for good or ill, it was power over your enemies. I was mesmerized by such things. The thought that these things could possibly be real excited me. I could have power over those who have caused me harm.

The quest for the darkest and most vile movies became an addiction to me. Not only did I seek out what the entertainment industry had to offer, I had also discovered films like “The Faces of Death”. Watching footage of real events happening to real people both disturbed me and intrigued me. How I was able to get access to all of this is beyond me now. No doubt doors were being opened to me. There is no doubt in my mind that the enemy was tightening the shackles while allowing me to believe I was free. I eventually discovered dark music and found all the occult books I desired in the local library. I had plenty of fuel for the fire.

And again, how can a thirteen-year-old succumb to such things willingly? When the above information is taken into consideration, one can begin to see how.

I began to faithfully practice the occult after the event at the beginning of this post. I conducted seances using ouija boards, automatic writing, and hypnotism. I used hallucinogens to peel back the veil and encounter mysterious entities. For some reason, the deeper I went, the more hatred I began to feel towards Jews and Christians. The hatred increased to the point to where I began to even reject much of the Occult that dealt with Luciferianism and Theistic Satanism. Anything that had any connection whatsoever to the Hebrew God or the Bible was rejected. It was because of this increased disgust with anything Abrahamic, that I began to seriously search for so-called spiritual "enlightenment" elsewhere.

---

Next: DNA and The Way Of The gods