You're Just Seeking Attention

Critique this excerpt:

(Dylan)
I don’t know why people treat me as though I’m a doormat. They’re always talking down to me. In high school, my nickname was “Bobblehead” because my head is so much bigger than my body. The asshole named Brian K would call me that everyday. I hated him so much. I wasn’t that ugly. I dated a few girls. My first relationship lasted for a year. We had a mutual breakup. It happened on Christmas. She said that was the only gift I ever deserved because my looks weren’t good until I was seen from below the waist. I cried to my friends about it. They looked at me and laughed. They said, “Bro, why are you crying over a fat chick. Did you fall in love with her rolls or was it her food? I know she kept you well fed. Did you even get some or were you lost because you needed a map to navigate her body?”

(Eric)
He was awkwardly shy. I think he was still a virgin when I met him. I tried getting him to attend college parties with me. One time he actually came along. I introduced him to a hot chick. She had nice tits, blonde hair, emerald eyes, and a body like Emma Stone. I would have taken her for myself, but I was already messing with her identical twin. He wouldn’t even look at her. He stared at the floor with his hands in his front pockets. She rolled her eyes, chuckled, and hooked up with another guy at the party.

(Dylan)
I dated my next girlfriend for three years. It was great for a while. Being with her helped me escape the misery that I felt from school and from home.

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I didn’t know what love was until she came into my life. She treated me with respect. She cared about me. At least that’s what I thought. She became passive aggressive for a while. I tried asking her what was going on, but she never would say.

I wasn’t told what was going on in her mind until the day she broke up with me.

It was the summer after high school graduation. She said, “I don’t like that you’re always hanging out by yourself or with your friends. You should always be with me. Don’t you want to be with someone you can’t live without!? Don’t you think that’s me!? I love you so much that I’m willing to be with you even though I don’t enjoy having sex with you! It’s so awkward and I never cum anyway!”

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