#STEEMLORDS Tales: BattleWom v Theseus

Herein continues the #steemlords tale of how BattleWom soiled his claws to gain the noggin of destiny...

The hot red earth disappeared beneath red hot paws, yet the Helm of Beatrice kept BattleWom's face cool and his mind clear. So it was a bit of a surprise when a weird looking knight in a glowing white cloak appeared before him. BattleWom powered down his gyrating limbs.

"I am an apparition of Sir Knight, the Protector of the Sword. I see through the 'Eye of Merlin' something that may soon come to pass.

"Theseus, founder of Athens, has come to slay your new friend the 'Sensitive New-Aged Minotaur'. He has the sword of Aegeus raised and is charging - only you can save the Minotaur now."

Without thinking, without taking a breath, BattleWom dug a u-turn and disappeared. As Sir Knight's apparition faded he thought he heard the words "No-one messes with my friends. No-one," above the sound of gyrating limbs and flying mud.

                                    〰️➰〰️

BattleWom crept out of the tunnel entrance he had dug only minutes before. On the bed before him, a naked man held his sword aloft, pointing straight at the minotaur's head.

BattleWom jumped, putting all the power of his legs into the motion. He barrelled into the man and knocked him from the bed.

But Theseus was fast. The sword slashed, bouncing off BattleWom's helm. BattleWom charged off the bed and straight at the man's tiny bits. This time Theseus crashed into the wall and stayed there.

BattleWom jumped back to the bed, his red eyes and nails a match for the gauche colour of the doona.

The minotaur was gasping from shock, but still alive.

"I have slain the Crommyonian Sow, I captured and sacrificed the Marathonian Bull, and I slayed the Minotaur of the Labyrinth," Theseus sneered, while cupping his little stones with his free hand.

"That would be dad," said the minotaur. "He was a right prick - kept eating virgins."

"I slayed Eurytus the Centaur, and even Hippolytus, my own son. How tough am I?"

BattleWom shrugged.

"And I shall slay you too, minotaur of the... bedroom," Theseus blinked as if he had seen the inside of the cave for the first time. "...And you, little bug thing," he said to BattleWom.

"You think so, do ya?" asked BattleWom. "Only I haven't been slain by greater men than you, sunshine." BattleWom glanced idly at his paws. Some of the red was missing from a single claw. "And I don't much like you trying to kill my friends."

"Hah. Monsters don't have friends!" Theseus let out a dismal chuckle.

"No I suppose you don't," said BattleWom as he jumped, crashing to the floor where Theseus had been a moment before.

On the bed now behind Theseus, the minotaur had found his own sword. BattleWom feinted left, then charged. The Helm of Beatrice connected with Theseus's groin once more: back the hero staggered, groaning loudly until his head was relieved of the duty of making noise ever again by the minotaur's sharp blade.

"You should call me Charlie," Charlie said.

                                   〰️➰〰️

BattleWom let Charlie ruffle his fur, and then said goodbye and scampered into the tunnel, once again gearing up for the long climb, and dig, to Himling. As the bedroom disappeared behind him, BattleWom reflected on his new friendship and smiled. He didn't like being a solitary Wom he decided.

Maybe he could even become friends with some of the other steemlords.

Maybe.

Time would tell.

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