Becoming

Back in 2002 I was in a very dark and dangerous place. I had achieved sobriety in mid 1998 but my life was going nowhere, or so I thought (one of my dark and dangerous places). Head games ruled me for a couple of months regardless that many pleasant experiences were being had. I sat at a table in my home one afternoon and wept. Emotions were so powerful I could not imagine experiencing pleasure, or even a semblance of pleasure, again in my life. At a point I cannot recall, probably within a few seconds, literally everything in my behavior changed and the following thought, titled appropriately enough: Becoming, took form:

I remember when
Sitting on the stoop eating Ice Cream
Amongst the rubble and tragedy
Was my entire dream
Now I can see, that was me
Becoming
I remember when the drink ended my pain
Shielded me from the flame
Of sadness and profane misery
When God became my foe
When life withheld all hope
Of this discovery

I am the total sum
Of all I've been
I've seen, I've done
Now I can see
Amongst the rubble and the tragedy
That was me
Becoming
One day I will remember when
I am all the things I have ever been
Amidst the rubble and the tragedy
This is me
Becoming
©Douglass Jungquist 2004

Over the years I have been reminded by friends and acquaintances that when things appear dark, to just hang on, this too shall pass. I have added a thought to that line for those times that are considered "good" to always remember: do not hang on too tightly, for this too shall pass. As I go along I look for flaws in things I have written. While I find more flaws than I care to admit to I present these writes as a reflection of who and what I really am: just a human doing human things. I leave the vast majority of my errors/mistakes in place just as they appeared from creation because, well, this is me in raw form and that is how I like it. Acceptance is key, resistance is futile? Something like that. Best.