To Be, or Not to Be - a taco-flavored reboot of Shakespeare (Steemitbloggers Contest) (Comedy Open Mic Round # 32)

To be, or not to be.

One of the most famous lines in literature, am I right? An entire Shakespearean soliloquy pondering the meaning of consciousness and life itself. But you know, it's honestly a little too deep for me. And a little boring, actually. And there is a suspicious lack of Mexican food.

So when @zord189 from Steemitbloggers put on a Picture Prompt Writing contest with the following image as one of the options, I knew I had exactly what I needed to breathe new life into these stuffy old words from Hamlet. So for that and for the Comedy Open Mic contest, I present to you, "Taco, or Burrito."

Credit: Matt Nelson

Taco, or burrito? That is the question:
Whether ‘tis nobler to hide the meat inside
The lightly fried flour tortilla of deliciousness.
Or to expose to the world in an open shell of corn,
And by doing so: to reveal, your choice
Of meat. Was it beef? Or chicken? Or fish?
Or vegetarian, oh you who wish to shock
the world with your heresy? ‘Tis a combination
of ingredients the world has grown to love. To eat,
To eat, perchance sour cream? Aye, that’s the stuff
for in that condiment of dairy, what dreams may come,
when we who suffer lactose intolerance,
shuffle off this mortal coil for our indulgence.
That makes bathroom trips take such long time.
For who can choose between the two?
The corn shell? The folded flour?
The pangs of despised Love, a mere hour after eating.
The incontinence of feasting, and the runs
The careful selection of filling and worthy toppings
when he himself might his Quietus make
with a spare Napkin? What would you bear
to grunt and sweat under heavy plate
but that the dread of something after the meal
the undiscovered sensation, from whose burn
no traveller returns, puzzles the will
yet we return to dine again and again
on hard shell and soft, why not get both?
Thus the combination platter does make gluttons of us all,
And thus the answer to our Question
Is plain to see, as the crispy shine of fried corn shell
And warm embrace of the folded glory of the wrap
Thou must partake of both at the same meal!
And lose not the game of choosing, but choose twice!
The humble taco and mighty burrito, in my toilet bowl
Be all my food remember’d

This was my entry for Round 32 of the Comedy Open Mic contest. I nominate @wholeself-in and @corpsvalues because you were the winners of the last two weeks of my game.

@DollarsAndSense is a father, veteran, participant in the rat race, freelance writer, and volunteer EMT. He also tries to be funny sometimes. Hey, want to play Cards Against Humanity on Steemit?

Cryptos Against Humanity - Week 4

Unless otherwise noted, all text and pictures in this post are my own and may not be reused without my permission.

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_{Animation By @zord189, Dividers By @jaynie}