Life

LIFE

What’s in store for me
am I the lucky one who
is allowed to live a full life?

Am I allowed to grow
experience and be
happy?

Will I be permitted to have children
and at least go through life
with an above average percentage
of being loved?

Or will I be made to pay
for one mistake
suffer
to such a severe extent
that I should have wished
not to be
born
in the first place.

All my successes
my doing good for others
are not required for this decision-making
process
they are seemingly not factored into a decision
that affects not only me but
my entire family.

What have they done
to deserve this torture
except love me
does this seem fair
it is not but who decides

Life is both joyous and cruel
and I have experienced them
both
but the pain is realizing
the former through the latter.

Each second
minute
day and year
pass with no regret
they don’t help me cross the street
or wait for me until
I’m finished
like a true friend would.

Why should they
they are not my friend
nor do they wish they were
their lot is pre-planned and
unchanging
they are given the decency
of being told their role.

Their role is not to hold the door open for me
it is to keep closing the door in my face
just as I reach the welcome mat
their job is to close the door
just as I attempt to rush in from the cold

But what have I done
except to ignore them all my life
they justifiably
owe me nothing.

One mistake is all it takes
yet who should take the blame
fate or I?

I thought I made the decision
but can I be so sure.
for if it was up to me the consequence
would be different
and I would be given
a second chance
to do it right

I would be given the chance
to learn from
my
mistake.

Of course, how stupid of me
I must have used up all my
second chances.

Who am I kidding
desperate situations
make all people wish
hope and pray
for a solution.

That’s it...

Now I can more effectively blame myself
knowing it is all my fault that this is happening
at least I have reached an answer
knowing why
I am told
is supposed to ease the pain
and prepare you for
what’s in store
why isn’t it working?

Pray
a curse word to those of us
who are not religious
a word of convenience to be used
only when necessary
or
when the serious extent of a situation warrants it
maybe I’m being blamed for not going to church?

To go every week and pay
to sit
and listen
to the same things I could
recite verbatim since I first stepped foot inside the doors
you pay to have those doors open to you
but you
cannot
bribe time.

Time is the true enemy
the reliable everlasting
scapegoat that is noticed only when called to our
wandering attention
a friend when used
an enemy forever after.

But time
like life
justifiably owes me nothing
and nothing is what I will take.

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© Doghaus
25 December 2017

I own all rights to the text and image in this post.

Honestly,
Doghaus