May the odds be ever in your favor

Life is full of a lot of surprises....

When I look back at things, I feel kind of sad for not having things in my support . There are a lot of things that live rent-free inside my mind.
Some reflect memories but a lot reflect pain and suffer.

Isn't it amazing how we humans wants things in our way.
Our mind is designed in a way that we looks for shortcuts and we try to seek the output more than working on the input.
My talks may seem a little confused but this is what I am. I need no therapy but I am not fine even.

Someday, I decided to live a life full of adventures and travels. Today, I just want to be happy.

Right now ,while I am writing this , I fear happiness.

Maybe, I have Cherophobia. [Which means fear of happiness and good memories]

There is a concept in my mind that states If I ever feel happy , I will have to face the consequences later.
The consequences are always worse trust me.

Happiness isn't for me I think.

People will come and tell you to be happy blah blah.....

Do they even realize the war i am going through inside my mind.

Its like telling a color blind person to see colors, which they simply cant see. So its time I have decided to live with this.

Does it hurts?
No , it doesn't!!
It used to though.

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When I was in grade 6 , my teacher explained us how to cope with life always. What happens if you overthink and how anxiety can be destructive for an individual.

After the class was over , I remember telling my friends why do adults make such a big deal about depression? Just simply don't think about it and you will be fine. Every one agreed with me and we laughed the topic off.

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Now that I am in my mid twenties ,I understand the struggles, the disappointments and the rejection your mind gives you.

Every time I go to sleep, I close my eyes and create a scenario where :

I am on a beach alone with no one but nature .
I am enjoying the cool breeze,
playing as much as I can,
far away from everyone.
The island is known to no one but me .
There are fruits that I can survive on for ever
and of course plenty of fresh water to quench my thirst.

But with a glitch when I open my eyes I am here and nothing changes...

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