I'm teaching my kids to play ping pong and building character for all of us

Source: my phone

Getting a ping pong table for my home is something that I have always wanted. Having that ping pong table is not what makes me happy, for while it sits there, it can do nothing to make me happy. What makes me happy is using the ping pong table.

Since we got the table, I've been playing my neighbors, my wife, her friend and tenant in our house, and the kids. My wife is a good player. Her friend is not as good, but she can return most of what I send her way over the net.

My kids? Well, at the ages of 5 and 3, they have much to learn. Today, like a few other days in the recent past, I've invited them to learn how to play. Both are interested, though one shows more interest than the other.

So I've got 12 balls, 4 paddles, a box to keep them in and a desire to play. I'm thinking that if I train them to play, they can become great table tennis partners as I get old. I love ping pong and how the ball moves. I just like watching the graceful arc of the ball.

There is no question of my kids' willingness to learn. They'd stand at one the other end of the table as I bounced balls their way to see if they can hit it. I've been teaching myself how to play better, and how to teach my kids. I even learned another way I can serve balls to them for practice.

The younger child misses a lot, but she's getting a piece of it more and more often. The older one is beginning to sustain very short rallies. So instead of me picking up ball after ball until the box is empty, and bouncing them to her, I can put a few in my pocket and retrieve the rest immediately around me since her aim is improving.

All of the above are mere details that lead up to the point I want to share with you. I am investing time in my kids by playing with them. It doesn't matter what I play with them. Ping pong is just the latest thing for them. If we continue on a regular basis like the way we played today, I can fit all the balls I need in one pocket while I'm playing with them. With steady practice, they will become good at just hitting the ball back to me, and with that comes the joy of mastering a skill.

I've already told them that they can ask me to play anytime and that once we start playing, I will continue to play them until they get tired. This is actually true of anyone in my house or neighborhood. I have no problem playing for an hour or two, and I'll keep playing until the other person wants to stop. This is how much I love to play.

As I practice ping pong with my kids, I keep thinking of a comment a therapist once said to me. She said that kids develop their character from the time their caregivers spend with them. Every time I play a game with my kids, read to them, walk with them, talk with them, take them to the park and on and on, every minute is an investment in their character. In this small way, I can be the change I want to see in the world.

And since I'm human, cooperation is baked in. That means that when I cooperate and collaborate with my kids, I have a good feeling. This, I think, is instinctual, and that experience would explain the good feelings I have when I can show my kids something new.

For my children, I am their biggest cheerleader, advocate, mentor and trainer. When they miss the ball playing ping pong, I assume that they lack the skills to hit the ball. I allow them to learn by repetition. I don't assume that when they miss the ball, it's some elaborate scheme to irritate me.

Yet, it is often assumed that when kids misbehave, or present challenging behavior, that they are engaged in devious behavior. Millions of parents assume that their kids have constructed some elaborate plot with an express purpose of irritating their parents (just think, "Calvin and Hobbes"). Why would a child, especially a young child who depends so completely on the cooperation of his or her parents for their very survival, engage in challenging behavior? Why do we even jump this conclusion when it is easier to see that they just don't know any better?

Better to assume ignorance before malice.

So when my kids make a mistake reading, writing, or playing ping pong, it's easy to assume ignorance. But if it comes to going to sleep on time, or cleaning their room or being safe with their toys, I must force myself to start with the assumption that they don't know any better, and that I must teach them the skills they need to comply with my request.

I say that "I force myself" to start with that assumption because I've been conditioned by my own parents, the culture I live in and the media I'm exposed to, to assume malice first. And the corollary is to assume that punishment will actually produce positive results. In my experience, I've never actually seen punishment get the results I want.

But there are a few things that work every time, like compassion. When I'm compassionate for my kids, I can empathize with their plight, especially if I assume that they don't know any better and that I need to help them learn the skills they need to solve the problems they encounter. I tend to get the results I want with compassion.

Notice the the language in the previous passage. I'm not a punisher. I'm merely a facilitator for the growth of my children. for my kids, I provide 24/7 tech support for life. They will ask me for help when they want help. If they don't need my help, they will push my hand away and say...

I got this, Dad.

When I hear my kids say that phrase, that is music to my ears. I always let them know that even if they have trouble doing it themselves and need help, they can still ask for help.

When my kids play ping pong with me, there is not a word of criticism from me. There is only praise when they do well, repetition when they fail. There is guidance and demonstration, and that will be repeated if need be. The lesson will be repeated until it is learned. And when I'm teaching ping pong, or anything else for that matter, with my kids, I make it fun. I want them to know the joy of learning a new skill.

I also think that if there is no criticism, then my kids are not so hard on themselves and they can pay more attention to learning a new skill rather than the voice in their heads telling them "shoulds".

Yes, I want more people to play ping pong with, and I'll probably get into some local tournaments for fun. But I also want my kids to know that ping pong is something that I enjoy playing, and that they can choose to enjoy it with me. If they decide to do something else, I'm fine. I'll still find someone to play with. I'll still find a way to play with them, and every minute spent playing with them, is another minute spent building their character.

Write on.

Slogan by @tecnosgirl

Other articles you might enjoy by @digitalfirehose:


Plan B for Humanity

A basic guaranteed income in the context of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

A sort of political movie review: Star Wars: Rogue One

Happiness isn't getting everything you want - happiness is a skill

The opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy

Fate, impunity and altruism

A short but growing list of people I admire, who have helped me, and/or influenced me, my thinking and/or my posts:

• @taskmaster4450 - The Age of Abundance is here
• @scottsantens - The Age of Universal Basic Income is here
• @gric - A very cool artist with some interesting perspectives
• @gringalicious - great writing, cooking and photography
• @luzcypher - for teaching me about how gift economies work