I can't write horror stories - Comedy Open Mic Round 36

Many of you have witnessed my fumbling attempts at writing a horror story. The truth is that my idea of horror is very different from the world's idea of horror.

"The inky sky was dissolving into darkness as if being swallowed by a giant black hole. Linda sat in her room. Alone."

So far so good.

"The inky sky was dissolving into darkness as if being swallowed by a giant black hole. Linda sat in her room. Alone. She saw the inviting pillow and slept. Like a baby with a codeine addiction. She did not hear the soul-splitting howl of a ghost in pain."

I can make it worse.

"The inky sky was dissolving into darkness as if being swallowed by a giant black hole. Linda sat in her room. Alone. She saw the inviting pillow and slept. Like a baby with a codeine addiction. She did not hear the soul-splitting howl of a ghost in pain. The ghost had been trying unsuccessfully to scare women in west hollywood. He could not elicit any reaction. So after a disappointing day , he'd sat down and drowned his eternal soul in some whiskey. He'd told his friends "I be ozkay". His friends had been impressed at his verbal skills and taken his word for it. Unfortunately he was not ozkay and did not look where he was going and ran smack into a human."

Whoa, what happened here?

Scratch this.

"There was old, derelict building, where the monster lived. It's body had mutilated so now he was inside out. The intestines hung out, dripping with blood from heart beating in mid air. "

Not bad, now we name the monster.

"There was old, derelict building, where the monster lived. It's body had mutilated so now he was inside out. The intestines hung out, dripping with blood from heart beating in mid air. It's name was lollapalooza."

The following is an accurate representation of the monster

It is also the reason why I am sticking to my day job.