How to annoy millennials - A comprehensive guide - Comedy Open Mic round 29

The following is an attempt at comedy
Back off millennials Get a job !

If you were born in the less hatey eightys, congratulations you're not a millennial. You can join in the fun and annoy the shit out of them. It's as easy it is to offend them.

1. Send them to the file room: If a millennial shows up at work (that's a big if), send them to the file room. The horrors of a record room with stone age type folders will annoy them but might scar them deeply. So that's a bonus.

2. Start spouting the queen's english : It is a truth well known that the self righteous, self entitled, selfie obsesse progeny born towards the end of the century is allergic to proper english. You could send them Byron's She walks in beauty only to get the thumbs up emoji as a reply. But it should have been the annoyed poop emoji.

3. Write open letters to their open letters : These politically correct creatures are offended by anything. In their political correctness, they lose the freedom of speech, the passion for a cause. Show them the passion we have, the change we brought to the world other than enhancing it by introducing man buns.

4. Steal their phone: Steal their life. Make them face the real world, real people whose faces they cant understand. Birds who don't look angry and candy that doesn't disappear in threes.

5. Go full 90's on them: Install a dial up connection and internet explorer on their system. Superglue their phone to their charger to imitate the cord phones of yore.

6. Be a college drop out: Staying in school is not cool. Crushing debt is not your best bet. Millennial love college, they love disagreeing with archaic study methods so much that they like spending a fortune to do it. So to annoy them, start a company, be a college drop out and hire millennials.

7. Participation Trophies: Give them participation trophies with the words "ANTI- FEMINISM" on it. This will put them in a dilemma since there's nothing they love more than trophies but feminism.

8. Steal their lunch before they have a chance to instagram it.

9. Ask for a CV: They won't know what it is and when they do they'll write you an open letter about it.

10. They all want to die. Don't let them.

11. Call them on their phone instead of texting them. At first they'll not understand the phenomena. "Where's the weird sound coming from? "

12. Number this list wrong.

I want to nominate @pechichemena and @meno in the hopes that they aren't millennials.