Why I Love Living Alone

I can explain. This is not to glorify the lonely nights, catlady-ness and all the trouble of making your own food and cleaning your own mess. I lived with a man for 5 years and I am 100% positive that the joint cohabitation part would not happen again. I just love to live alone for all the valid reasons that I'm going to present here. When I was younger, being alone was a nightmare but now that I'm older, solitude is a pleasure.

Surely, you need love. Or at least someone to spoon or cuddle you during rainy days. The idea of having someone to cook for you or do your laundry is kind of tempting too. Not that I'm looking for a man slave. Though I might have a think if he offers a high-speed internet, a bottle of Casillero del Diablo a day, and a regular supply of cat food. My ideal romantic relationship is one in which my man would be living in a separate apartment within the town or somewhere far. In that way, we still need to exert some effort to see each other instead of living our lives getting bored. Instead of getting used to each other's habits and trying to work things out. I am not a nagging housewife who will make a big fuss about the color of the drapes though I must admit I have certain preferences. I want my place to have a dark and melancholic vibe, too depressing that someone would not overstay his welcome. I prefer to keep my apartment safe and clean for someone who would come over for a night or two or just for the weekend. Or just as long as he won't live forever with me. I want freedom, presence, excitement, and absence. I am just not so interested in living with someone anymore. Lately I realized that I only have patience and unconditional love for my cat.

Here's the thing, I'm just not big on spending my waking life with someone. I am also not sure if I can live with showing my private parts to someone every single day. I want to be freely walking around naked after a shower and I don't want an audience getting excited about the show. I'm only concerned with my man's safety and well-being during the worse of my PMS days or when I turn into a monster. Obviously, I'm selfish. I have a bad attitude. I'm very moody. I don't want someone telling me to act like my age and stop being childish. I'm not acting, I just haven't changed my quirky ways to this day. But I can live with all of that, after all, I have no one to please but myself.

If I'm having some uncontrollable diarrhea, all I want is to lie on my bed without being judged for being lazy and unproductive. There are times that I am doing a lot of things and there are times that I'm not doing anything. I just don't want to justify every single thing, like why I do weird things, why I cook this way or why I still breathe? Sometimes I want to talk to myself without being called crazy. I want to be with my cat without being called anti-social. Basically, I don't want someone trying to change my 35 years of crazy shit.

I have a bit of OCD but certainly not worse than my sister. I don't want someone coming home and placing his backpack, socks and all his shit all over my place. I don't want to deal with that day-to-day shit. I will go crazy as hell. I will clean the hair strands in the bathroom at the right time. Sometimes I just eat boiled eggs and bananas at irregular times and I don't know if I have the energy to cook something grand for someone. Though I might get mad if you eat something in the refrigerator that I labeled 'don't eat'. I'm pretty clear on my house rules. I also don't want to be bothered during my screen time. I can get annoyed and distracted too easily. Sometimes I just like to stare at my wall while listening to some weird music. I just got used to the freedom of being able to do whatever I want in my own place.

I devour my food like a pig or like someone who would be sentenced to death in a couple of hours. I feel free to be uncivilized in my own place. Whenever I go out with other people, it's hard to pretend to be one of them. I prefer that my partner would not force me to have some dinner with his friends and pretend that I like them too. I hate all the pretense with other humans outside my home. If I'm not spending time alone in nature, I'd prefer to stay in my dome of safety. I don't like the idea of someone trying to fix my savage ways. I feel free to be myself when I'm alone and I don't have to live according to someone's expectations. I've come to accept that I'm going to die alone on my single bed while blasting loud music, my cat waiting for his first meal of the day and a bathroom drain waiting to be unclogged.