Running Away from the Villains

I guess this is just one of the many benefits of getting older, you can easily detect early signs of toxicity. You fight hard to get away from that shit. I don't know a lot but hell, I just know that this is probably due to years of life experience being with toxic people. I'll call them villains here. It can be hard to avoid them especially if they are around you, work, family, relationships, communities... They will appear all of a sudden in your life, and once they got you, it would be hard to get rid of them. Because you cannot just expect them to change and mold them into your liking. You keep them because you probably thought you are being helpful or a savior. Whether you like to hear this or not, it's probably the same familiar choice since the beginning of your existence. Unconsciously, you just like being around with the villains all because they are familiar. Maybe it's time to break the pattern.

This whole quarantine time is heaven for me. I know that for some it's boredom, but for me it's peace. I guess we are all different. Some see aloneness as loneliness. I see it as inner peace. Lonely at times but peaceful all the time. Finally away from toxicity... at least for the time being. But why? Let's face it, villains can appear out nowhere disturbing your newfound equilibrium. You know like in the movies, there's always the hero and the villain. In real life, you are your own hero. You fight the enemies to have peace.

In my case, I am just tired of fighting. I just learned to run away from it, you know, just to save time and energy. I learned how to choose my battles. Some are worth it most are not. As I get older, I no longer want to waste my precious mental energy. This is the thing, I have no time to waste.

I left my job as soon as I see signs of toxicity from my boss and some of my colleagues. I feel like they are doing things deliberately just to drag me down. Or just to get some sort of validation. And of course, there's the whole jealousy thing going on and all that. The predatory boss finding out I'm all alone making me the perfect vulnerable or strong target. And all that familiar shit. Anyway, I'm just tired of it if you know what I mean. I'm a different breed and I will always be considered a threat. I'm dangerous I know. Anyway, I've left this scene a long time ago. Only because of this pandemic that I came back. Bad but good decision in a way. Maybe this decision to go back to the hamster wheel was just for me to realize that I no longer need to fight the villains. I just need to run away from them and never come back. What happened was just a reminder of what no longer works in my life.

And like I said, maybe it's time to stop making the same type of choices. Not just about work but in all aspects, like in relationships or friendships. I realized that maybe I'm still in that same pattern, the all-too-familiar. It can be hard to break free from all of this. But maybe I just need to accept that villains in all forms will come from time to time to teach me lessons. Or maybe just to remind me of things that I should have let go. I figure that to minimize the damage done, I just need to see the signs and decide, if they are worth fighting for or if it's time to run away, and not come back. Ever.