SCHOOL FOR PARENTS: Problematic behavior of the child: useful advice for parents.

First of all, I want to emphasize that I am going to talk about the "habitual" behavior problems that parents face. These tips are also useful for children with serious behavioral disorders, but if the child has a serious problem behavior, for example, self-aggression, he or she will most likely need other methods of correction, and not just those simple rules that are now we will talk.

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These recommendations can be called "prevention" of behavior problems. Following these tips, parents can initially prevent the development of problem behavior.

The first thing that parents must understand is that the child's behavior depends to a large extent on their own behavior. What parents say and do is important for desirable and unwanted behavior. When the desired or unwanted behavior occurs, the immediate reaction of the parents will determine whether this behavior will occur more frequently or less frequently in the future. And this is great news for parents!

Very often parents say: "My son behaves like that, because he has autism", "My son behaves well, because he has the character of his father", "My son behaves well, because he has Down syndrome" .. We all have a tendency to explain the behavior of some internal reasons, of our children. But, in reality, many people, not all, but many types of human behavior are controlled in large part by environmental factors. So in most cases you can change the behavior by changing the context in which it occurs. Therefore, this news is excellent!

Then, there are several strategies by which parents can change the context of the behavior and can create "conditions of success" for the child.

1. Follow good behavior

The first thing I recommend to the parents is to specifically look for good behaviors in the child, and to make sure that when the child behaves well, they celebrate it in some way, at least simply say: "What a good child you are!" Praise the child for good behavior, pay attention to that. Make sure that when the child behaves well, get something for this, that such behavior is beneficial to him.

Otherwise, it often happens that when a child behaves well, everyone ignores it, but when he starts doing something wrong, his parents immediately run to him: "What are you doing?" And it turns out that to get the attention of parents To force the mother to return to the room, the child must behave badly again, and this is a trap, it is easy to please.

Therefore, it is important to develop this habit, realize how the child behaves now, "capture" his good behavior, pay attention and praise him as often as possible or encourage him. Get this behavior repeated.

2. In case of problematic behavior, think about its causes.

If unwanted behavior occurs, consider what the child is getting as a result. There must be something that makes this behavior profitable for the child. This may be your attention, as in the previous example. It can be a specific reaction of an adult or another child that he wants to remember. Maybe they took away the toy and the scandals, is it because he wants to retrieve the toy? Or scream because you asked him to do something he does not want to do? Try to determine what you are trying to achieve in this way.

If successful, try to make sure that this behavior does not lead to the desired consequences of the child. For example, if a child is surprised to receive a toy, be sure not to give it at that time. Instead, wait until the behavior stops. When the child calms down, tell him more appropriate behavior, for example, he can say, "Give me a car, please." Follow up that the child will receive a toy only in response to socially acceptable behavior, not in response to the screaming.

I understand that this is not always possible, but you should still try. And if it is successful, you will see that the child continues with the desired behavior, because it works and the problem behavior no longer works.

3. Plan especially situations in which the child can be trained in the desired behavior.

Very often, especially if the child has developmental characteristics, parents begin to "anticipate" their wants and needs. For example: "Oh, at dinner he will want to drink juice, we need to put the juice on the table, oh, and the juice is almost over, you need to pour more, or you will cry".

Maybe the child does not have good expression skills, so Mom or Grandma think they help, because the child can not ask for juice. The problem is that when you anticipate a child's wishes and do not have to ask anything, you do not give him the opportunity to practice good behavior and thus the development of speech.

4. Make your expectations extremely concrete and understandable.

Another very important strategy is to divide each child's task into small, clear steps. There are a couple of mistakes that I very often observe from the parents, and one of those errors is not clear and the requirements abstract.

Another point to which it is important to pay attention: the task must be divided into simple and concrete steps, each of which can be easily managed. Then I can say: "Pick up this clothes and hang it in the closet."

Once this is done, first of all, I will have to praise him (we remember that it is important to emphasize good behavior):
"It's wonderful, thank you very much!" Then I can say: "Part of the work is already done, now we are going to raise it".

There are so many scientific studies that show that the formulation of your requirements is of great importance. So, if I say, "Stop running!", I'm unlikely to get what I want. But if I say, "Come closer to me," then the probability that they will listen to me will be much greater. We call these requests "what to do", in contrast to the "what not to do" requests.

Therefore, it is important that your instructions be specific, avoid "no", divide the tasks in simple steps and praise their implementation regularly.

5. Create a schedule for the child where the favorite and unwanted classes will alternate.

If you have a daily routine, when activities that are undesirable for the child are naturally desirable, they can significantly improve their behavior. For example, my daughter is cleaning the room, and she knows that after that we will go to the grocery store, which she likes, because there I let her choose something tasty. In this case, I can easily use the store as a reward for cleaning the room.

I can say: "It's time to leave the room, pick up the things and hang them in the closet". After she does, I can say, "Good! Good job! Now put these things in a box, and when you're done, we'll go to the store, we'll buy something delicious." Now I have increased her motivation to finish the difficult task I put in front of her.

So, if I carefully analyze the daily routine, I can change it so that the child's favorite events go after some difficult tasks. Therefore, your motivation to perform the established tasks will be greater, and the probability of success will also increase.

And after the store, I can say: "We have to go home, we still have to do this and that". And this can also be a task that you do not like. Then I'll add: "And when you're done with this, we'll play." So that I can analyze what I want to trust my daughter, and I do not force her to do it all in the morning, it's better to stretch things on time, even something good between them.

Finally, it is important to remember that each case of problem behavior not only frustrates us, but teaches us something useful.

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It is important to share what we, as parents, can control and what is beyond our control. I can not change the fact that my son has a disability, I can not change the fact that my son has autism, I can not change the fact that my son has a paternal character. All these reasons why people try to explain behavior, we can not change. But we can influence the variables that are in the surrounding world and that affect behavior much more than we think.

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Posted from my blog with SteemPress : http://deisip67.vornix.blog/2018/09/03/school-for-parents-problematic-behavior-of-the-child-useful-advice-for-parents/

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