SCHOOL FOR PARENTS: Children who rule and parents who obey.
Increasingly, parents complain that children "strike up conversations with adults and do not allow anyone to express their opinion. They try to teach and command everyone all the time, to speak out for adults," and these are children of age. Preschool and younger schoolchildren The situation is not only extremely unpleasant, but also dangerous for the formation of the child's personality.
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Young children behave as adults allow. Many parents touch each other for the first time when the child begins to command the parents or make comments in a dominant tone.
This manifests itself in everyday moments: bring, serve, hold, remove, buy, do. By not seeing obstacles, the child expands the sphere of influence, and the rejection causes him discontent and, sometimes, even hysteria.
Dear parents, pay attention to the mood of the verbs used by the child. If this is an imperative, then you must admit that the child is commanding you.
Let's try to understand why this happens.
The development crisis. The crisis is a small revolution. Do not forget that the objective of any revolution is a change of power. Therefore, in times of crisis, not only the type of main activity and the type of communication change: this is the beginning of the restructuring of relationships. The boy is trying to take a dominant position. And how successful he is depends on his parents.
SourceExcessive attention of adults, the fulfillment of any wish and whim puts the child at the forefront. Furthermore, the child's statements that he is in charge are perceived with emotion. The change in mood, the “sour” facial expression, the discontent are perceived as a call to action. Sometimes, to order, the child doesn't even have to say something.
Childish egocentrism, this phenomenon is considered natural for preschoolers. The world revolves around him. Mom prepares to eat to feed her baby, and Dad works to buy sweets and beautiful dresses for his daughter.
Lack of attention, this may not seem strange to you, but the desire to manage and order your own parents often arises from the lack of attention. The child is simply trying to draw attention to himself.
Children's orders may seem fun and harmless, and adults begin to obey. However, a little experience of submission leads to thinking about power over adults. In the future, disobedience will be accompanied by whims.
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Don't succumb to provocations. His disobedience will surely be followed by children's tantrums, with the help of which the child will try to manipulate him. Resisting them is not easy, but it is necessary. Remember, once you give in to the provocations, you will find them constantly. The child must clearly understand that this does not work.
Discuss other people's feelings. Explain that other children do not want to be ordered; Grandma is sad and Mom and Dad are just ashamed.
Be consistent, keep your promises, don't cancel your plans for childish whims, don't change behavioral tactics even in the presence of other people. Don't give your child reason to think he'll obey.
Do not become servants of your own children. Make it clear that you did not love the child less if you did not remove the toys after him or immediately run to the ice cream parlor. You do him much more service if you teach him to get along with the world around him.
It is important for parents to become aware of how their attitudes towards their children have a strong impact on them.