July

Written by Sarah A. Bourgeois

Fireworks.
I used to love watching them light up the sky.
Now, they are just a reminder
Of the day you died.

When someone talks about their plans,
Why does it hurt so much?
Why do I expect the world
To stop just because you left it?

I'm not going to lie
And say you were my everything.
But you deserved better.

Because if you were my everything
I would have gone to your funeral
I would have watched your fireworks
Burst for the last time.

I wouldn't be sitting here
At the end of my bed
Just looking.

Looking at the bag
You made me.
I wouldn't be hiding
These tears from my parents.
I wouldn't be ignoring
This stab of pain in my chest.
I wouldn't

Your death is where
The spiral started.
It shoved me
Into this hole.
And I'm still
Climbing out.

But soon July will come.
And so will the fireworks.
And the world will stop.
And it will be unbearable.

But what I won't realize,
Is you will be there.