A Reconstruction

Hey Steemers!
I want to use this post to introduce a new way I've come to construct my anxiety. It feels like a potentially beneficial shift- something I'm excited to explore.

In a recent conversation my dear friend said something about me that resonated as true. I am someone with a ton of energy, and it craves an outlet. I am not always able to direct it into a positive place. Actually, I struggle with it a lot.

When I feel the "buzz" start to take hold of my body, I know that there are a couple of things that might happen.

1. The buzz becomes a fun electricity. I feel energized and talkative, more prone to reach out to my social circle. I crave movement and connection. I can sometimes push myself into this state with certain music, conversation, or sex. (just being honest)
2. The buzz amplifies. My heart races, my stomach clenches, and I begin to ruminate on my faults and on the ways things could go wrong. I panic about the hypothetical scenario that I am not actually loved by those around me.
3. The buzz devolves. I become sad and sensitive, lacking a protective layer towards the outside world. My guard abandons her post; the levi breaks and emotion advances upon my shores. I cry easily and often.
   
   Each of these scenarios represents the direction of energy into a particular mental space. I am a naturally sensitive human; the buzz indicates that some trigger has surpassed the threshold of my tolerance and caused my body to activate. I am beginning to recognize that I have a choice in how I utilize this activation. Energy can be such a positive force: motivating, stimulating, exciting. It is the catalyst for connection between individuals, the force that turns our talk into our walk.
   
   Thus, this post is a promise to reconstruct my abundant energy as a blessing. I will use it as a tool to reach my goals and extend myself to others. I will do everything within my power to steep it in positivity. I will also forgive myself for moments when it feels overwhelming or sad, or when it morphs into anxiety.

Like all forces, this buzz is one to be reckoned with. I believe that we are up for the challenge.