Painful Cold Breeze

Looking at my father's watch, the only thing I cherished right now, It's 6pm, Saturday. I have been here for a month. I've not yet truly gotten myself to be comfortable with this cold climate but I got to adapt fast.

I came here to be happy. Thats it, to be happy, yet I am so far from it, so far from home.

Some may say I am naive to leave everything for something intangible, but I am the kind that do not want to live with regrets, for not trying.

Right now, it's just me againts the world.

Sitting alone at this old bench, the type that may have seen the likes of me, a naive 19 years old clueless young man. I feel terribly distraught, lost, ashamed and broken hearted.

behind my smile is everything you will never understand

The cold breeze that touches my face kept reminded me to start figuring out what I should do next, but I can't think straight, I can't help to feel broken hearted, disappointed, exhausted... , emotionally exhausted.

With just my trusted backpack by my side and my black coloured coat trying it's best to keep me warm, the cold breeze passes by again. Perhaps a reminder that I need to continue walking.

Wandered aimlessly looking at my shoe , trying to get myself together and trying understand how it all went wrong, the words said, the suspicion for betrayal, the what if? the did I? and so many others kept repeating over and over again in head.

Still a stranger to this land, London is just a train away. the only thing that I've secured is a temporary job at homebase and yet here I am walking aimlessly without a secured roof over my head for the past four nights. I've not been to work since and it was the longest time I am without a shower and bed. The worst, was the cold, lonely night.

I couldn't believe I end up this way. Too proud or perhaps too ashamed to call home for help but I know that I need help and for now, I can't do it on my own.

So I decided to go to the only place I can feel safe, a place that I walk by a few time but this would be my first time entering since i got here .

As I got closer, my heartbeat is beating like I have been running for a hundred miles, the step I took become heavier and so was my breathing , I couldn't stop my tears from flowing.

There, right then. I am right in front of his house, as I entered with my head down, I walk slowly on the aisle and step toward at the end of the bench, begin kneeling.

At this point in time, I feel like I was not praying. I am actually begging him to help me with answers , to stop the painful cold breeze, the emotional pain , dissapointment and the never ending tears.

I recall, just before I leave, I turn around and said "Just one big break oh Lord, that's all I need.... That is all I really need.. Give me strength, I promise to be back here, every sunday.... I promise".

I began walking again and ended up at King's Street, a narrow road that I am familiar with. Along this road there was a few row of shops, I began curiously looking around to see if there is a permanent work, but I spotted a small printed advertisement for a room to rent.

Standing there , staring at the advert with disbelief, I look back at the church that I just went in. Thinking, could this be it? When i stare at the adverts., It feels like the minutes, seconds and everything around me just got slowly frozen in time. Suddenly I felt the same cold breeze again, like an instruction.. I lift my bagpack and start walking again.

Just a few step forward, I heard a someone from the back was calling out on me. "Excuse Me " he said. I stop and look back.

An elderly Indian man walks closer to me. " I notice you a while ago looking at my adverts, are you looking for a room to rent ? I am renting it". He said.

I just said yes, and wanted to say more but he cuts in and insisted that I walk with him to his place to have a look at the room he wanted rent.

When we reach his place, I learned that he owned two house side by side, all the rooms is rented out, and one room is available but only can be occupy in the next seven days as the current couple renting it will only leave by then.

He offered tea and some biscuits. As we discuss, he told me that he lives at one of the room on the other house, he does home wallpaper services, his family is in Pakistan, and he is a Muslim. He wants me to just call him Jay, so I called him uncle Jay and explain to him that where I am from, we used the word uncle or auntie to an elder person even if we are not related. He understood.

To my surprise , once he knows where I am from, he was happy, he keeps talking about Mahathir Mohamad, Malaysia Former Prime Minister, and how much he adores his brilliance.

As we were learning about each other and more so on my circumstances, he suddenly offered me to stay with him , after one week the available room is mine to rent. He also offered a job to help him out with his home wallpaper services.

Did I just got lucky? Or was it God's intervention. I couldn't believe what I am hearing. I said yes, yes and yes.

This is it, this is my one big break. My chance to turn thing around.

God truly works in miraculous ways. Uncle Jay is a kind, hardworking, and religous man.

I live in his living room for the first week, during the first night, while I was trying to sleep, he heard me crying as I am overwhelmed by Gods grace and my life circumstances.

He walks over to the living room, sitted on a chair and tap my shoulder and said "it's OK, in time, everything will get better" these words is something that I will never ever forget, then I heard he recite a Muslim prayer over and over again until I fell asleep.

On Sunday, he reminds me to go to Church and in the evening we would together watch his favorite drama on telly.

I am now comfortable with grey skies and the cold days here in UK, but when everytime that one special painful cold breeze passes me, I will never forget the day I cried to God for answers and an elderly Muslim man named Uncle Jay shows his empathy and love for another like Jesus.

*Images taken from google.