Dear Diary: If Only Suicide Is Allowed In My Religion

I had been suffering from pain for many years now. At first it was only weakness, then body stiffness came along with it until it got magnified a few times over until I could not walk because of severe stiffness and pain in my back and hip joint.

I was thinking a few months back if I would get a hip joint problem then it would get terrible, then boom! I developed the injury! In the course of months, so it is like what the fuck, another one?

This is not the way one should live and if I were a horse I was already in the dinner plates. This hip joint causes me to have a quality of life like a mountaineer stuck in the peak of Mount Everest, I could not even sit up without giving much effort. And when the joint gets moved I scream in pain.

I could have done suicide if not for my religious beliefs because it is a sin to take my own life. Because life is for God to decide when to live and die, there is a season for all things under the sun.

But it seems again that there is no season in my life because my lifetimes is a season of hardships, tears, pain, and sorrow and I just appreciate the people who cares for me like my parents and some people here at steemit.

I just wish again that may God finally take my spirit before things get uglier than they are now. It is just scary when the ones that care and loves you goes away, then you will be on your own in darkness and despair, alone in a lingering pain and death, it is true for me and it is real.