Dear Diary: I Really Don't Feel Well Today

It is the eve of my dialysis day so it is the norm that a day before my dialysis I feel like shit. It is because that the previous days I have accumulated in my body extra fluids that makes my breathing abnormal. I am also full of toxins already from the foods and medicines that I took after my dialysis session the last time.

Now I feel like numb and uneasy, very uncomfortable and a sort of sick-like. It has been like this over and over so I just hope that once again I would be able to survive this day.

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My Life Sucks Since Birth

My dialysis is such a problem as well because I just get a mediocre type of cleanning of my blood. In the west they are setting the blood pump of the dialysis machine anywhere from 350 mL to 450 mL per minute while in here I just have to bargain and ask them to put it to 250 mL per minute.

The head nurse even laughed at me after asking the blood pump to 300 mL per minute. So what happens when they are just setting up to low? Well not much blood is cleaned because the faster the blood is filtered the more blood is cleaned out and the more well-being the patient experiences.

My nurses are just setting them low so that the patient would retain their high blood pressure so that the nurses wouldn't get to deal much of extra work if the patient crashes their blood pressure. That is just how I see it and the effect on patients really is they would look and feel bad with their bodies.

That is why I always feel like shit considering that I am using a more efficient kind of dialyzer (blood filter) so I have to adjust myself and not to eat frequently with normal amounts of food too entering my body. Now it just makes everything complicated and unbearable. May God help me.

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