Dear Diary: I Love My Pain-Free Days

I would consider my day a pain-free day if my pains doesn't allow me to move around and makes me groan, moan, and whimper on my bed. There are times that multiple factors combine like my difficulty in breathing, pain, and nausea plus the weakness brought about by not being able to eat well enough because of lack of appetite and waterlogged with fluids.

So I am just thankful when I am alleviated even a little bit because my normal state is just to soak in misery everyday. And when there are times that I could feel a relief because of dialysis, using the toilet successfully, eating well during dialysis, and getting eased with my breathing, I would just enjoy those moments because I know that they just come fast and then go away to return another time in my life.

Living with such situation that make me feel uncomfortable not only with pain but other types of misery-giving condition I know is really hard to bear. I do not know why I am keeping on fighting while other people will just end it all with their own hands.

But I think the driving force for me is my value to life. Because life is still beautiful no matter how hard it seem to be for me I am just looking at the pleasant opportunities for me to enjoy while still enduring this hardship that I am not really certain if I would surpass, may God help me.