Dear Diary: I Am Just Thankful That I Do Not Lose My Sanity With Each Passing Day

Physically I am living like I am a nightmare, but even in my nightmares I could run and walk and would feel like I am a normal person. What happened to my body didn't even perched into my mind a second, so I was just caught off-guard.

I do not blame anyone or anything, I am just a victim of circumstances that is beyond my control. I remember that fateful day after my first Nephrologist told me that I couldn't get a treatment for my ailing kidney because I am positive for Hepatitis B. We went home with me crying all the way, it was also my birthday.

The Nephrologist just told us that it was in their protocol not to treat me. And so I was just given antihypertensives and vitamins. I was told to go and continue checkup until me and my mother gave it up because of that. We just spend two years going to and fro the hospital in Manila before giving up.

I just basically had inserted my head into the sand and tried to forget about my condition and tried to deny that I will get worse until my anemia and insomnia had gotten worse. Until one day my urine output had gone down dramatically and started to show signs of blood toxicity and then the dialysis years which is a long, long story on its own.

This really is quite a life and I feel like I am an onion being peeled until the whole onion is destroyed. I do not want to come to that but that is the story of the people I see at dialysis but most of them didn't experience what I am trying to overcome in my life now.

All my life I just spent it waiting and waiting for my body to recover but it didn't but instead illness goes on top of another illness and complications appear one after the next. So it is really too much for me to handle.

It is very good that at least I had found good people here at steemit that supported and are supporting me until now because it somewhat deadens a bit the kick of my unfortunate fate against me because without this community I would be as hopeless as (insert word here.)

Still I am thankful and grateful because I am able to help myself unlike other patients that cannot do anything except to ask for help of other people that sometimes are trying to avoid them. It huts when it happens so I am thankful to God that it is not happening to me.