Another Day Lost In My Short-lived Relatively Long Life but A Reason To Be Thankful For 🧬🙏🏻👐🏻

cryptopie (81)in #life • 5 years ago

It's An Interesting Life

I am still thankful despite my short life I had lived a relatively long life as a dialysis patient compared to others but it doesn't mean that I am enjoying it because there are times that I am thinking that this is just a curse that I have to pay for my sins whatever that was but of course there are people that are more evil than what I had done in my past life which are we can say as sins but I guess that they are still not worthy for me to be subjected in this kind of life.

It is a hell on earth really because there is always in the back of my mind a lot of worries particularly about the end-game of my situation. I am not afraid to die, in fact I am also longing for it in equal terms about my longing to live at a 50:50 ratio. What I am afraid really was to be put in a lingering death which is why I am consummating all options to make myself as comfortable as possible and dodging death whenever possible.

My Life Is A Perpetual Game Of Dodging Death All The Time

Maybe that was the reason that I am still alive now but I also believe that there is a passage in the bible that if you love God you will live a long life but the passage/verse tells us that you will also live in a comfortable manner. I am obviously not living in a comfortable manner, it is as slick and slippery as an eel for me to have that kind of lifestyle as even rolling on my side is quite painful as well.

So I am praying to God to will it for me to live much more comfortably before my death. I know that it is a dreadful thing to say but in actuality my condition really is as dreadful as it gets and it keeps on worsening still which is why I am worried and concerned about it because it is all real, it is here and I have to face it and try the necessary options just to make my life nearer into being normal which I am sometimes doubting if I can ever achieve that impossible dream/goal of mine.

I Just Hope That There Is A Force Out There That Is Influencing My Life

I have no more ambitions in my life but to just live a pain-free life but from there if God wills it dreaming would sprout if I would get the chance to set another goal of mine and would not settle in being idle. I just can't do anything at this point but to just long for a near-normal life because it is like balancing an up-side down triangle in which if I let go will surely make things capitulate.

Actually I just surviving because of my money so I know that if that factor is lost I will be in trouble deep. That is why I am just really concentrating on buying the things that I needed rather than those that I want and probably would cut down in some of the things that I needed to just to make ends meet because no one really would want to invest to me knowing that they will not get dividends in the future.

I know that which is why I am still trying to help myself and let others to decide if they would lend me a hand or not which is why I am thankful for steem platform because I ma finding lots of friends here that supports selflessly but I know that God will all repay you for all the deeds that you had done and doing for me and the others like me here in steem.