The father promises the son that on Wednesday he will leave work early and take him to his soccer practice, but that day he's delayed in the office by an interview with a potential client and is late home and the son, tired of waiting, has fallen asleep in tears. The father thinks and can say "I was late. I'm sorry. I wanted to come earlier but I couldn't, you're still too young to understand". But the child only thinks and can say "You promised." And the kid is right: he promised.

Every promise you break, however small and unimportant it may seem, is a waste to your character because every time you don't honor a commitment, you erode the bonds with those other people who are part of your life. Although the promised actions are more or less decisive, all the promises are worth the same. There are no big or small promises. There are only promises. Making and keeping a promise implies two factors: will and possibility. In fact, one could speak of control rather than possibility, but the term itself is not important. The most important thing is what the concept contains.

First, the will. Many times in life we ​​make promises being in a hurry, distracted or without thinking well about the degree of commitment we are assuming and that is why when the decisive moment arrives, we fail, because we don't have the true will to keep that promise. What can be done then? Promise only when you have the firm will to comply. If you have doubts, if you are not completely sure, don't make any promise. Would you marry if you had doubts? it's the same with every commitment. Don't buy that vehicle under credit, don't tell your son, daughter, wife, mother, sister, friend, that you will go with them if you have doubts and think you may not comply. Because when you fail you may not see it very serious, but they will remember that you made a promise and you will hurt their feelings.

Now, suppose you have the firm will to honor your commitment but an external factor prevents you. Of course there are reasons of force majeure that can change your plans and break your will (a natural disaster, an accident) but many times the external factors that undergo us are less inevitable. Let's go back for a moment with the father who promised to take his son to soccer practice. Two possibilities: if he is a subordinate in his office and leaving early does not depend entirely on his call, then why promise? it's obvious that he may not comply; on the other hand, if he's a superior and has the power to leave early, then he must honor his promise. He can reschedule the appointment with the client, but if it's in his control to keep that promise he made, he must honor his word. It is the natural consequence of making promises: having to keep them.

What to do then? to promise what one has the firm will to fulfill and what doesn't escape our own control. On the eve of the park trip, the boy asks "Do you think the weather will be good?", the father answers "sure it will", the boy insists "do you promise?" Can the father answer with a "yes"? no, he can't. Because he doesn't control the weather. He can view the weather reports and try to make a forecast but he cannot know it fully and therefore he cannot assure his child that the weather will be pleasant. What to answer? He can say "I promise you we will have fun, whatever the weather is like". He can control that: his attitude to an eventual adverse climate.

I took a couple of examples with children because many times they resent the most in these situations. Adults apparently understand that there are things that do not depend on us. But the message is also valid for grown ups. Because maybe your friend will not go to a corner to cry when you fail him, but little by little, your broken promises will wear down your relationship and affect the feelings he has for you. Conclusion? Let's not make promises in vain. We must promise only when we have the firm will to comply and when the situation is completely under our control. If those two conditions are not met, or if we are afraid of failing, then let's just not make promises. After all, you cannot break a promise you don't make. In that sense the promises made are obviously more fragile. Value your reputation, don't underestimate the value of your word or depreciate it by making promises that you will later break. No one can force us to pawn our word, so let's not do that.