Back 2 Basics (XVI) Who's Driving?

Congratulations!

How did it feel taking that core belief quiz? This one is a little different than the ones that you take on other social media sites. I applaud you for taking the first step in understanding what drives us to do what we do.

Have you ever gone on a road trip with four friends? Usually, you will have one friend that will do most of the driving. The shotgun seat is occupied by the navigator who also moonlights as a dose of caffeine to keep the driver awake. The other two in the back are sleepers or readers for they are generally not as involved. Our four core beliefs work on the same principle: one of the core beliefs is the main driver of our lives. What I mean is that our current reality will have constant people, circumstances and situations that reflect the feelings associated with that one core belief. There will be reflections of the other three beliefs but they will be less in intensity and occurrence if they appear at all. That's the beauty of a four seater car is that there is potential for four passengers but for the car to run there only needs to be one person; the driver.

So what about the quiz and seeing what my core belief is? Here are the results.

• This is the belief based on our social value with other people. Who wants us around? Social connection is so powerful that the lack of it is used as a measure of control and compliance. Here are some examples:

1.   Solitary confinement for repeat or offensive offenders in a jail
   

2.   Time out for children
   

3.   Silent treatment from a disgruntled parent or lover
   

Here are some phrases that someone with a need for social connection would say:

I belong
They like me
I am popular

This belief centers on the feeling of not belonging and people not wanting us around. People can feel unwanted based on their ability to fit in with other people and amount of popularity.

• This is the belief based on our emotional value with other people. Do they accept us for who we really are? Often love is equated with acceptance and expressed in phrases like:

They just get me
They see me
They love me for me.

People value their degree of being loved based on how others accept their personality and emotional makeup; what makes them tick. We all have a vulnerable side filled with imperfections and areas where we could feel judgement and insecurity. The unloved belief focuses on those imperfections and makes them absolute truths and the basis for not receiving love. We then believe that we are unloveable not only by others but we cannot love ourselves.

• This belief centers on what order we come in other people's lives and how important we are to them. When faced with a difficult decision where do we rank in their decision making process? Worth is measured in the amount of effort and consideration displayed by other people when it comes to our turn. We measure worth with phrases like:

I am a priority
I matter
I am number one

Unworthiness can be a byproduct of being unloved and unwanted but it can stand alone as well. For example a child could feel part of the family (wanted), loved by their parents but the parent never makes them a priority. That is where the statements like "I'm not worth it" come up. We can feel loved and wanted but still feel like we aren't worthy.

• This belief centers on the recognition and appreciation for actions and deeds or kinetic connection. These people are in a constant fight with imaginary standards of not measuring up and live in an environment of judgement, criticism and not getting anything right. Usually when they are confronted with an issue the response is based on acquittal or shuffling of blame because living in a state of "everything is your fault" is exhausting. Here are some phrases for this feeling:

I can do it
I will succeed
I am right

This character can often become very haughty and critical for they need to become an expert in something. This is necessary to deal with the constant feeling of being a failure.

Now we have discussed all four beliefs. How did you do? Did you identify the driver? We will discuss in the next post what is at the heart of these beliefs and how to overcome them.

Who is the Common Guru? Here is our introductory article
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Pictures courtesy of Pixaby