90 Day Challenge - Frustration- Day 4
As I sat on the couch looking at the clock, I felt that familiar pull in the bottom of my stomach that comes along with struggle with an activity associate with word should; I wrestled with writing this article. Here I start a 90 day challenge and I just sit here on day 4 negotiating with myself determining if I wanted to stop. I had taken a break from the writing yesterday and now it feels like someone who has fallen off the wagon. The reasoning happened just like I described in my day 3 article Should; the dream killer. Next phase would be the slip out of the promised time slot of the morning for writing on days off. My thought process that I promised to myself would be to do that so that I would set my day up for success with my husband; my work done and I and enjoy my family time guilt free. Justification sets in with telling myself that I can publish the article at night for that's when they are normally posted. The clock sat there every hour or so as a constant reminder that I SHOULD be writing something. Well... there it is. I finally said it. As I wrestled with rationale with why I was writing the article in the first place I was drawing a complete blank. Nothing registered as profound today and I was frustrated with feeling empty because, I couldn't come up with anything. So what was I going to do? The choice was to listen to that voice and continue in the same reality or try something a little different; I chose something differetn. Does that mean I am free from this challenge again? I really don't know at this point but that would be the reality I would like to create. Einstein is clear with the statement that we cannot change the problems we have with the thinking that created them. Time to challenge myself and hope that I can shift it a little by writing for one more day.
There was a time when I was very excited to post on this forum but something died and that's on me. I ran face to face with my belief around my lack of imagination and I was frozen. I had come to the end of the question series and I flopped around like a fish out of water. Those questions I used for the A New Year Series were easy for I just formed what I wanted to write based around those thought provoking questions. So as I wrote in the article 90 Day Challenge - Dawn of the Mural LadyMy first challenge was with the mural and this is now the second challenge in the form of artistry. Do I have an imagination or not?
Yet here I sit at dinner time and my article has still not been written. Frankly I don't feel there is a point and I just wanted to quit. This blog chain reflects to me my lack of belief in myself for whenever I get excited and that is not reflection I want to see. Is it a manifestation or a confirmation? My lack of belief would have to be manifested in some form and this blog chain serves the purpose.. And that's not 100% accurate either for I had a fabulous start and was shown great promise but I wasn't consistant like my friend said. Then I stop writing for months and the followers kept on coming, it gave me hope that maybe my articles were value to people. So I make a decision to combat the inconsistency by writing for 90 days straight and release myself from the negative energy that surrounds it.
Posting in this blockchain has been an incredibly new experience by being exhilarating and frustrating at the same time. It presents the Law of Attraction for me as a lesson study and I am struggling with the lesson. My thoughts are one I want to share for the lessons I have learned are ones that can help; I have witnessed first hand the subtle shifts in my reality that have brought me joy. These shifts would have been considered impossible months ago and they continue to show me that the Law of Attraction can create amazing things and it's true.
I struggle with what I expect out of this place and who I am meant to be. I feel like somehow the answer is in this experience and hopefully at the end of the 90 days. I've heard that 90 days can change your life so here we go...
Today I will take that momentum forward and see where it takes me tomorrow.