Rocket Ship Earth: a new flat earth theory?
I don't really know if this is an original flat earth theory, but WHAT IF the earth is really a giant multi-generation nuclear fusion powered rocket ship?
It would explain our movement through space ... It would give us gravity, because, hey, the rocket-ship is constantly accelerating at 1 G or that ten meters per second squared crap ... whatever ...
Of course - for my theory to work, assuming I am the originator (and I doubt I came up with this) - you would need to avoid EVER reaching anything close to the speed of light - I've got an answer to that.
Space ship EARTH is locked in the outer orbit of an ancient super-mega-black-hole called "Thrombus" ...
Because SPACE SHIP EARTH is locked into the pull of this black hole, we can constantly be accelerating at 1 G, but our velocity is unchanged - we are essentially moving with the black hole through space, locked in its gravitational pull, forever accelerating at 1 G.
The governments have known about SPACE SHIP EARTH since the late 1950's, when they were hurtling atom bombs into near outer space and ended up knocking crap off the ceiling of the giant super-electric-photo-plasmic dome thingy ...
The moon? - total faker'y, using a giant Styrofoam fake moon being suspended by a super strong nano-carbon-titanium string thingy ...
The stars? - kind of real ... the dome is the bow of SPACE SHIP EARTH, and the protective dome itself allows for light to permeate ... that natural light, plus more faker'y, and you have the night sky ...
The sun? - a reflective disk that redirects photons released from SPACE SHIP EARTH's fusion reaction core ...
Antarctica? - the ring of ice that forms because ... crap ... global scale air-conditioning dude ... you get condensation ...
Here is the TRUE story of SPACE SHIP EARTH, which is also a flat disk ...
5,000 years ago, there was a terrible catastrophe. An experiment in free energy caused spontaneous space-time-matter coalescence and the creation of a baby black hole ... but the baby grew up. As the years passed, this ancient civilization lost control of the black hole, and it threatened to swallow planet Throu'boz and the entire Trambazian civilization. So they hatched a plan to construct the largest spaceship ever built - and then they named it Erdaz, which degraded in the multiple dialects, over time, into what we now call "Earth".
The ship's engines are powerful, but they overheat periodically - and this causes what we call "geological activity" ... earthquakes? Volcanoes? Calderas that destroy most of civilization? ... yeah, this is because the crappy ancient engine goes haywire every once in a while ...
But even as powerful as the Earth's engines are, they are not powerful enough to escape the pull of the super-mega-black-hole ... the one they created ... because they were lazy ass dudes and wanted free energy.
And the captain? ...
The captain is named Captain Hank, and he's been periodically in and out of extended hyper-sleep for 5,000 years ... or, 433 trin as the Trambozians would say ...
He looks like Captain Avatar from STARBLAZERS, dresses like him too ...
He has two space sailors named Frank and Beanz that report to him ... they are dressed in tight-fitting space uniforms.
And there he is, on the command deck of Space-Ship Earth, positioned not far from Frank and Beanz, keeping his space junk together - and holding onto his massive space throttle ... he's been there for eons man ...
Sure ...
This is a crazy-ass flat earth theory ...
But, this is also a kick-ass flat earth theory ...
(you're welcome)
(also - this is why you always feel like you're going nowhere, really fast ...)
I believe it! And we are on a turtles back!
Dude ... the "turtle", as you call it, is really a super-colossal space ship, shaped like a penis, with two giant helium-3 fuel tanks, near the center, and a dome at the tip of the ship ... just the tip.
What gender is the turtle tho?
Come on man ...
You know SPACE SHIP EARTH looks like a giant {insert bad word here} ...