Love 爱情这件小事 | Monthly Review

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I remember once I took a taxi during rush hour. The traffic is so heavy that the car barely moved after 10 minutes. The driver stared to get a bit impatient-blaming the line-cutting-in and honking drivers ahead and despising the timid women drivers. I kept listening when his phone rang-a call from his wife. Finally, he changed the topic from the traffic to his wife after he hung up. “Marrying this woman is the most correct decision that I have made in my life.” He said. “Not like the wives of some of my fellows, my wife understands me. What she cares is if I am tired, instead of how much money I make.” The satisfaction and proud on his face made him a totally different man from the agitated one just now.

Every morning, I see this elder couple on my way to work. The husband walks slowly with his right arm twisted in front of him-probably the after effect of stroke. His wife, with grey hair, is bit plump. They walk along the road every day. The husband is shuffling in front, followed by his wife in unhurried steps. When walking by a trash can, she always turns the trash a bit for plastic bottles. They just keep walking like this, without any talking. Every time when she spends too long on the trash can, he turns back and urges her to pace up. She is never irritated, saying, “Just keep walking. I will catch up easily.” Then he speeds up like he is insulted. She still takes her time walking and picking the bottles, only switching her focus to him.

These actions can be too simple and plain, but I can smell the strong fragrance of love from them. Some may say, the reason why two people can spend their life time together is that their love eventually turns into family ties. I do not agree. Long-lasting love is like coffee bean. Time only boils it into coffee - a more graceful and fragrant way of existence.
The fragrance is contained in all the insignificant actions, like a regard, a thoughtful blame, a concerning glance. To me, coffee beans and coffee is substantially the same. The change from coffee beans to coffee is physical while the change from love to family tie is chemical. We may think kids and time as the sugar and cream, but a cup of coffee cannot be turned into milk tea no matter how much we put them in.

Different people have different point of views on love. Young people believe that love must be vigorous with thunders and lightnings, with pledges of forever. To those who have already had rich life experience, love is as common as air, which you cannot see but is so real, without which you can not live.

I happened to have the chance to have witnessed a few “spectacular” public courtships-with huge bouquet of roses, heart-shaped candles, etc.- when I was still in university. Some turned out to be a success while some total failures. Back then, I was also one of the people who believed in the thunders and lightnings of love. After I met my wife did I find that love is truly a common and plain thing only between two persons.

My wife and I fell for each other during work. I still remember one day before our wedding, I was going to buy her a diamond ring - with my slender salary. Of course, She stopped me, saying “The ring is only for show. As long as I am with you, even a 10-yuan ring is fine for me.” I spent a long time designing the lighting effects and songs of our wedding, only to make it an unforgettable memory for both of us. But when I was standing on the red carpet, the lights became darker and I did not even hear the songs I had chosen. My mind, at that time, could be accommodated with my wife, and her only, with nothing else.

Nothing is more important and cherishable than a life-long companion, not any pledges.

PS. The poem by Yeats “When you are old” suddenly came up to my mind. I hereby would like to share with you.

When you are old and grey and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim Soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

Original post written by @chaofanjun: 爱情这件小事
Translator: @veronicazhu

有一次出门打车，恰好赶上交通高峰期，路上车水马龙，一路上走走停停，十多分钟也没走出去多远。开车的司机大叔有点路怒症，趁着这功夫批判起路上的其他司机，说前面加塞导致交通拥堵的司机缺心眼，旁边不停嘀嘀按喇叭的是傻逼，还想让蹑手蹑脚的女司机回家练好了再上路。我也不搭腔，就听他边走边骂，而且越骂越起劲。这时司机的手机响了，他老婆打来的。司机挂断电话，一改刚才骂骂咧咧的模样，聊起了他老婆。他说他这辈子最幸运的事就是娶了这个老婆，知冷又知热。开出租一天到晚不着家，从白天到黑夜也挣不了多少钱，毛病倒是落下不少，他同是开出租的几个老伙计在外面累一天，回家还得听老婆唠叨。他老婆体贴，知道他辛苦，每天出门的时候都嘱咐他别太拼，让他注意身体多休息，而且从来不吵着让他出门多拉活多赚钱，每次打电话都叮嘱他早点回家别再干了。司机大叔说这些话的时候一脸满足的笑容，跟刚才骂人的时候判若两人。

我上班的时候，几乎每天早晨都能遇见这么一对老夫妻：老头儿腿脚不怎么灵便，右手勾在身前，大概是中风留下的后遗症；老太太略显富态，满头银发。俩人每天早上沿着马路散步，老头儿步履蹒跚地走在前面，老太太慢慢悠悠地跟在后面，遇见垃圾桶就翻翻把里面的塑料瓶子捡出来。俩人也不聊天，就这么一前一后的走，偶尔老太太捡瓶子的时候慢了，老头儿回过头来斥责老太太几句，催她赶紧走，别再捡那不值钱的玩意。老太太不恼也不怒，一边把瓶子装进随身的袋子里，一边说你走你的，我三步就撵上你咯。老头儿受了羞辱似的，加快脚步吭哧吭哧地往前走，仿佛要像他年轻的时候一样跑起来。老太太不紧不慢，遇见瓶子照捡不误，可眼神却盯在了老头儿身上。

几个简单的动作便让我在他们身上感受到了爱人的温馨。有人说，相伴一生的两人是因为他们的爱情转化成了亲情，我不以为然。我认为长相厮守的爱情就像咖啡豆，被时光岁月缓缓研磨成粉末，煮成了咖啡。看不到咖啡豆了，那它不存在了吗？不，它只是变成了一杯味道芬芳的咖啡，以另一种更优雅更温和的方式存在着，如同那一句知冷知热的问候，一声关切的斥责，一个关注的眼神。咖啡和咖啡豆本质上是相同的，这种变化是物理的，而爱情转化成亲情则是化学变化。孩子和时光是添加入这杯咖啡的方糖和牛奶，可是不论怎么加，一杯咖啡都不可能变成奶茶。

不同人的爱情观也不尽相同。年轻人总觉得爱情是轰轰烈烈的大事，要海誓山盟、海枯石烂；对有丰富人生阅历的人而言，平平淡淡才是真，爱情像呼吸一般，虽然看不到氧气的存在，却再平常不过。

大学的时候，见过几次轰轰烈烈、热热闹闹的当众告白，有的人摆一大片玫瑰花，有的人点一堆蜡烛。结果有的人抱得美人归，当然也有的人弄一个灰头土脸。那时我也以为爱情就得高调地向全世界宣布，直到遇到我妻，我才明白爱情不过是两个人的小事。

我和我妻在工作中相知、相识、相恋。结婚之前，我想用自己微薄的薪水买一枚钻戒送给她，被她拦住。她说戒指是戴给别人看的，跟我在一起哪怕只戴几十块的戒指她也愿意。婚礼的布置上，我追求唯美的灯光效果，背景音乐更是我花了将近一个月时间听了上千首歌曲精挑细选出来的，我的目的是让我们的婚礼成为一段刻骨铭心的记忆。然而当我们真的站到红地毯上的时候，灯光变得暗淡了，我甚至没听见婚礼的背景音乐，我的眼中只有穿着婚纱即将和我步入婚姻殿堂的我妻，那一刻，我想不起任何有关爱情的忠贞、浪漫誓言。

山盟海誓微不足道，能够伴我走过这一生才弥足珍贵。

PS. 写到最后，我想起爱尔兰诗人叶芝的那首《当你老了》。我最早读到的是袁可嘉先生的译本，也是我最喜欢的译本。

当你老了
袁可嘉译
当你老了，头白了，睡意昏沉，
炉火旁打盹，请取下这部诗歌，
慢慢读，回想你过去眼神的柔和，
回想它们昔日浓重的阴影；
　　
多少人爱你青春欢畅的时辰，
爱慕你的美丽，假意或真心，
只有一个人爱你那朝圣者的灵魂，
爱你衰老了的脸上痛苦的皱纹；
　　
垂下头来，在红光闪耀的炉子旁，
凄然地轻轻诉说那爱情的消逝，
在头顶的山上它缓缓踱着步子，
在一群星星中间隐藏着脸庞。