I like Julio Iglesias. I particularly liked his rendition of "I can't help falling in love with you". It was my best song while I was in the University. Awesome times. Where I liked most was:

Wise men say, only fools rush in but I can't help falling in love with you.

This is often the case. Those who have fallen in love know what the wise men say, yet they can't help falling in love. However I daresay that those who fall in love are the lucky ones.

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Some people fall in love many times in their lifetime. For others, falling love is much more difficult and may only happen to them only once. I'm not very sure about this but I think that women fall in love more times than men do. As I told a friend of mine, it is like having a baby. I said to my friend

If men have to carry a baby in their womb for nine months, go through the pain of natural delivery and raise the child, how many children do you think each man would have?

My friend said, "One. And that one would be a mistake that will never happen again." As I said, I'm no authority in such matters but I think women are pretty special.

So I fell in love once! It was the most awesome feeling in the world. Looking back, I think it is dangerous too because there was nothing I could not have done for the girl. And this is dangerous because we don't know any objective thing about the people we love. We see them through eyes that have been tinted with the feeling we have for them.

Whatever we say about people we love is a lie.

So I will not talk about her for fear of telling a lie. All I could tell now is that it ended badly and I was hurt like nothing has ever hurt me, before or ever since. Which brings me to the subject matter of this post - Forgiveness.

Certain things in this life must go together if a balance is to be maintained. I particularly like what @edumurphy wrote in one of his steemit posts. He wrote inter alia:

Steemit is a place of no lies, therefore it has to be a place of forgiveness.

My interpretation of this is that if we must come exactly as we are, then the people to whom we present ourselves must, as a necessity learn to forgive us our trespasses. If this were not so, then we cannot be expected to continue presenting ourselves with the blemishes unfiltered. I think this is an acute observation but let me get back to the story.

So love and forgiveness should go together or at least one after the other. People that have been in love and had a hurtful experience usually end up in a bad place when they consider all they had done, given and sacrificed for the other person and how they have been paid with hurt and betrayal. In essence, their stance is, "It is all their fault. If they had been faithful, if they had loved me equally as I have loved them...."

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This attitude is wrong and backward for two reasons:

1. No, it is not their fault that you were hurt.
2. You really have no control over what has happened

Ultimately, you had a choice of being friends with them, dating them, forging a relationship with them, loving them, making sacrifices for them or leaving them alone. And you chose wrongly. This has happened, it is water under the bridge and it can't be helped. So, yes they hurt you but the responsibility is ultimately yours. You are responsible.

Since you have no control over what has happened, the key thing to do is focus on what is under your control and the best policy of all is to forgive because, you see, at first forgiveness is one of the most selfish things anyone can do. Because failing to forgive even a single person who has offended you could be enough to jeopardise all your future chances at success and happiness.

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And how do you forgive?

1. Take responsibility for your actions that led to what hurt you;
2. Forgive yourself of this mistake by acknowledging it as such;
3. Make a list of all the ways you have been hurt by that person, nothing extenuate. Make it as detailed as possible and communicate this to them;
4. Say "I forgive you", wish them well and let it go.

As you do these, you will suddenly discover that a heavy weight has been lifted off your shoulder. Instantly, you will feel happier, lighter, healthier and with greater motivation to pursue your dreams.

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Thank you for stopping by.
It's your boy

@churchboy

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