Greetings, from Space!

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This is my first entry for #comedyopenmic!

...though not my first attempt at being funny.

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Today I give you a collection of original satirical commercials.

They were written for Space Carrie's Adventures in Space, an episodic radio show , created by Steemians for Steemians! I'm the author of the episodes, Carrie does the sound work, and we use Steemy voice talents. On the show, the commercials are performed by @sircork!

I nominate @carrieallen and @littlescribe! Get your comedy on!

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On to the Space Stuff!!

Nineteen Commercials for Products that don't exist, comin' atcha!

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SPACE CARRIE’S ADVENTURES IN SPACE - COMMERCIALS

The fine folks at Steemstar Network would like to remind you and your family to smoke Steemstar Cigarettes. Ah, SteemStar. That smooth and delicious flavor. Mmmm..

Are you tired of all that pesky radioactive waste sitting around your home? Call the fine experts at SteemStar RadioActive Waste Removal Services, and they’ll take care of it for you. But mutations are irreversible so act fast!

To get you and your family from somewhere to somewhere else, try SteemStar Brand SpaceShips. Now with 50% less explosions.

Are you looking for lasers? Steemstar has lasers! Lasers of all shapes
And sizes. Utility lasers! Farming lasers! Education lasers! Lasers!
Lasers! Lasers! Lasers for your family! Lasers for your friends.Cosmetic
Lasers, decorative lasers, discounted lasers, even safety lasers for the
Little ones! Steemstar! For all your laser needs.

With Steemstar Multi-Purpose Space Goo, you can be sitting pretty and living that good space life that you’ve always dreamed of. Steemstar Brand Multi-Purpose Space Goo is the number one preferred space goo of families across the galaxy. So pick up a drum today from the ambiguous space items aisle of your favorite space retailer!

Have you enrolled your toddler in jetpack lessons yet? Studies show that toddlers trained in jetpack travel exhibit a boost in cognitive development up to 100% greater than from
Traditional pre-education programs. Get your toddler airborne today with licensed jetpack training courses from Steemstar’s Jetpack division. Zoom!

Does your family love corn? Well, now you can have fresh and delicious corn every day, with Steemstar Brand Space Corn! Grown without sun, grown without water, grown without soil, but But boy are they grown! Average ear length is three feet! So say goodbye to those expensive corn import charges today! Steemstar brand Space Corn… It’s better cause space!

Have you or a loved one fallen victim to a transporter malfunction? You may be entitled to compensation! A transporter malfunction can occur when you least expect it, leaving your
Family to clean up the mess. Let Steemstar’s incredible legal team help in your time of need! With a combined 40 space years of experience, Steemstar specializes in teleportation law. We’ll take your case to theIntergalactic Teleportation Commission, never resting until The ITC agrees to the compensation your family deserves. Lost a limb? Don’t lose your Life savings too! Call Steemstar today!

Looking for a way to heat up your tasty Steemstar pre-packaged Meals that’s quick and easy? Try Steemstar’s Vortex Cooker, harnessing the power of Vorticeees for the convenience of your
family! Trust us! The best way to cook anything is in a Vortex.

Is your watch still just telling the boring old time? Try the incredible new space-time watch from Steemstar. With this wonderful and stylish wristwatch, you can always know your exact location in the space-time continuum. We all know continuums can be a handful… let Steemstar put your mind at ease. Once you make your first purchase, we think you’ll continue-em.

Are you looking to spice things up a bit when it’s time for that special night? Let Steemstar make it a night you’ll never forget with our wide line of adventurous bedroom products for the discriminating adult.2222

Are you tired of humans making your food wrong? At Steemstar, so are we! That’s why we created the Steemstar Robot Country Kitchen… Good ole home cooked vittles, made to order by the precision Steemstar robots you know you can trust. So bring your family down to one of our 214 locations galaxy wide. Let robots take care of dinner!

Time to clean up the ol’ space ship? Steemstar is proud to introduce the newest vacuum cleaner to our wide line of swell cleaning products. Steemstar’s patented superior super suction technology brings you… The Vacuum of Space! Get into those hard-to-reach places with the Vacuum of Space! The toughest space-dust is no match for this amazing machine. It really sucks! [disclaimer, quickly] Warning, suction level is not officially sanctioned by the Intergalactic Suction Commission, and the Commission makes no guarantees or claims about the safety or stability of the aforementioned space product and/or service.

Are you looking for a way to blast asteroids faster than you’ve ever blasted asteroids before? Well look no further than the Steemstar Asteroid Blaster 5000! It’s a thousand times better than the Asteroid Blaster 3000, and a solid step up from the Asteroid Blaster 4000! Master the Asteroid Blaster and relax! The fastest nastiest asteroids are no match for the Steemstar Asteroid Blaster 5000!

Ever wish you could just leave it all behind? Introducing Steemstar Brand TinyShips! With our specially designed Tiny Ships, you can leave all responsibility behind and become a wandering vagrant today for a great price! Each of our Tiny Ships is lighter than a bicycle, and the severely limited cabin space ensures your perpetual discomfort! Because if uncomfortable is what you wanna be, who are we to stand in your way? Steemstar TinyShips! When Tiny’s all you want!

At Steemstar, we know your family loves miniature golf, but have you ever played putt-putt… IN SPACE?! It’s so much better than regular mini-golf, because of space of course! Bring the whole family to Steemstar Oasis Grand Space-Putt Plaza, Hotel and Ice Cream Shop today! You can bring your own jetpack or rent one of ours, just [shouted as though while falling] DON’T GET CAUGHT WITHOUT ONE… Try the eighteenth hole Vortex Challenge for a chance to win one of three deadly prizes… [quietly, as though taking direction] What’s that? We’re not going with the deadly prizes? Copy. Thre222e wonderful prizes! Once you bring your family to the Steemstar Oasis Grand Space-Putt Plaza, Hotel and Ice Cream Shop… you’ll never want to leave! Brought to you by Steemstar in collaboration with Dippin’ Dots, the Ice Cream of the future.

[REGGAE MUSIC UNDERSCORES]
Hey mon! Tired of the space fussin’ and fightin’? When I and I just need to relax and chill, I always reach for the Steemstar space grass, mon! Smoke it, eat it, rub it on your face! In no time you’ll be flying in space… even if you’re not! Steemstar Space Grass!

Got a job that’s a little much for the ole personal jetpack and utility laser? When power’s what you need, call Steemstar Heavy Space Equipment Rental. Anything from a Compact SpaceCat Asteroid Digger to an Industrial Star Destroyer… Steemstar’s got it! You’re only as good as your tools, and these tools are YUGE!!!

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