Seeing the World Through Someone Else's Eyes
They say you don't truly understand a person or a situation until you put yourself in that position at the moment and imagine yourself being there. While it may seem far-fetched because we react to things differently, it's almost always true. One thing I've learned over the years is that someone's reality is and always will be their reality. Nothing changes that. While the person by the side might see differently, their fact is their fact.
I was reading a write-up few days ago. The author debunked the phrase which has been flying around – every man is a potential rapist until proven otherwise. It all came up following the rape cases in the news recently, about four of them. I had refused to talk about it because first, it makes me very upset, and second, people go through these things and they'd rather you kept quiet especially when you have a different view. It absolutely isn't the time to tell the world about that special view of yours. Following the article, I was quick to agree. Someone finally said it.
But something happened. A survivor left a comment which shocked everyone including the writer. She narrated her experiences. The rape which started when she was 16. The events which included the males in her life and those she had an encounter with from that day to the present day. I was shaking when I finished reading. Just a while ago, I was confident that this one phrase is a lie. But her life and experiences messed up everything else I had to say. That is her life. Her reality. Nothing can change that.
So when she tells you that every male is a suspect until proven otherwise, better believe it. She lives that life every freaking day. While personally, I've gotten scared and quickened my pace when I had only males following me on a lonely path, it doesn't come close to her life experiences. While mine is valid, what about hers?
This is just one instance which I used because it's something everyone can relate with. I would probably get upset if someone comes to say that every female is a potential murderer until proven otherwise, but what about their reality? For them, it's just the way it is. They've never had it any other way. Saying things contrary to what they know makes them feel attacked and small. It's like telling them that their reality do not matter and calling them a liar.
What to do then?
Silence can be a gift most times. Give it to them. See the world through their eyes at that moment. Let them feel their pain, as raw as it might be. It speeds the healing process. Let them rant, because as much as you do not agree, it is and will always be their truth.
I'll leave you with one of my favourite songs. I hope you enjoy it.