I thought about it

When you know all the moves in advance, when you know what you need to do to get what you want - there is no excitement. You grope for the right path, and you can go on it endlessly.
I'm bored with games, I just want you to come, put my head on my lap, I fingered your hair, fed you, kissed you, took your hand and looked into your eyes, big, black, and maybe some other , bewitching eyes.
And this "you" is not at all defined, so far I am not sure of anything, who needs me with my kind of tenderness and passion, who really needs it?
I know how it all works, I know all the mechanisms, I know the tricks, I know when and where I need to press, but I do not play by these rules, I act at the behest of my heart, but in the end everything goes wrong.
And now, a handsome policeman writes about how he likes me, how he is in love with me, writes about what he wants to be with me, and I think this is about:
He will want to be with me, if in a month/year/five-year, I again get sick, lose half of my hair, get acne, in the mornings I'll have pain in my stomach, and at night will have heart attacks.
I can not trust myself to a person in whom I am not sure of the 100%