Most people are good; they just seem bad because they are weak and do what is easy over what is right.

In answer to your questions:

If you want to be with a woman who gravitates to abusive relationships, then you need to question why you want her. It seems to me that a person is also damaged who wants a damaged person.

People who employ underhanded tactics are not happy-go-lucky; they end up living their own personal hell and are not to be admired, but rather pitied. They have the kind of success that will punish them by attracting awful, shallow people, and loneliness.

It's okay to defend yourself, but it's better to avoid sinking to someone else's level while doing so.

Explore your values; make some mistakes so that they become more precious to you.