The Serial Self Cockblocker

This is the unfortunate true story of a guy I know who continually cockblocked himself and despite all our efforts was never able to progress.  This blog post isn't meant to make fun of anyone. It is to learn and progress ourselves.  This blog post is mainly written for guys but women might find it interesting as well because I'm sure plenty of women have noticed guys shooting themselves in the foot like this individual.    

Factual Background Information

The individual we are going to review in this case study has a masters degree in Computer Engineering and has a lot of things seemingly going for him on paper.  He is fairly athletic, drives a corvette, is a good looking guy (no homo) and lives in a 3000 square foot house with a clear view of a beautiful mountain range.  For the rest of this case study we will refer to him as Jimmy to keep his identity confidential.  

As you see on paper Jimmy should seemingly have all the tools to hang out with girls.  

Instances of Regression

Every time I went out with Jimmy he was causing my game to get derailed.  When I say game I'm just referring to having a normal conversation with girls.  He would jump into conversations at the wrong times and say things like "What is your name?  I want to add you to Facebook."  It was so weird but that is what he was always going for.  He thought that was some kind of mark to hit.  Like he thought he was getting to first base or something with that.  In reality he was taking an ass out swing, missing the ball by a foot, and tearing his ACL, PCL, and MCL.  You could tell the girls thought it was weird that he was asking that but for some reason he could never pick up on that.  I tried to help him by telling him to just try to get their number instead of trying to add them to Facebook.  He was trying to say that girls didn't want to give out their numbers these days.  

So maybe the bars weren't a good place for Jimmy to meet girls. He met a girl at work and had been talking to her a lot from what he said.  It turned out he had two free tickets for the movies and asked her is she wanted to go.  Evidently she said yes according to his story.  He got there to pick her up and she came out with another guy.  He was confused and she was saying that was her friend Mike she told him about.  That day he was luckily driving his daily driver so those two got in the back seat and they all went to the movie theater.  It must have been awkward for Jimmy to drive those two around like he was their unpaid UBER driver.  When they got to the theater he brought up the situation with the two free tickets. The girl acted like she though he had more free tickets than just two.  Ultimately Jimmy ended up buying the 3rd ticket.  You can say it was for himself or for Mike.  However you want to put it.  Needless to say Jimmy was once again tooled out when he should have picked up on the social cues.  He told me that Mike and that girl were holding hands and whispering in each others ears making Jimmy feel like a real outcast.  

Okay maybe meeting girls at the bars and at work isn't for Jimmy.  Possibly he could get on the dating apps that are wildly popular now and have success there.  Jimmy gets on Tinder and starts getting a few matches despite the fact that he seemingly couldn't pick out the best pictures of himself.  I always thought this was the weirdest thing.  I even helped him take some pictures of himself with a mountain background.  We took approximately 60 pictures in a few different outfits.  There were about 4 or 5 of them that were pretty solid.  He somehow would pick the ones that weren't any good.  Despite all that he matched with a few girls.  The dialog he was having with them was what I would consider awkward but he landed himself a date.  He goes on the date but it was a red flag right off the bat. He said that she wants him to go pick her up at her place.  I was like, "Dude that doesn't sound right.  Girls are tripped out for the first meeting because they are afraid guys might be a Jeffrey Dahmer style creep stain."  Jimmy goes over there and a female actually came out of the house.  Everything seemed to be going okay.  They went to a restaurant to get something to eat.  After that she was saying that he could hang out at the house after but she needed to get a few things at the grocery store.  At this point things might be turning around for Jimmy.  Maybe she wants to get some wine and kick it with Jimmy?  WRONG!!!! She starts filling up an entire cart with groceries and wants Jimmy to pay for it all. From what he told me he put up a fight and made her put most of the junk food back but let her keep stuff that was more healthy like bananas and chicken breast.  I was like, "Dafuq Jimmy? You got played!"  I asked what happened when they got back to her place.  He said nothing because she had to get up early the next morning. So he just went home.  SMH

Additional Confirmation

I was thinking maybe he is just having bad luck in Tucson because he was acting like he knew all these girls in Minnesota.  I ended up meeting a mutual friend and overtime the situations came into the conversation.  It turns out Jimmy had worse luck in Minnesota then he had in Arizona.  There was a particular situation that got brought up where it ended up being the two guys and two girls back at an apartment.  Perfect wingman / wingwoman quadra-connection.  Ultimately Jimmy went "Cold on the Sparrow."  The saying comes from the movie Air Force One.  The fighter jets were in hot pursuit and were going to down air force one but the fighter pilot got the orders at the last second.  "GO COLD ON THE SPARROW!!!" Jimmy ultimately left the apartment while his friend from Minnesota made love to the other girl.     

The Diagnosis

Jimmy's friend from Minnesota and I put our heads together and diagnosed Jimmy with Asperger Syndrome.  We really wanted Jimmy to have success meeting girls.  Once we realized that his syndrome was really holding him back we decided to have an intervention and tell him that we aren't being critical of him but our suggestions are to help him out.  Every piece of advice we gave Jimmy he didn't receive well at all.  He just acted like we were talking shit to him.  

The Alternate Reality

I have coached several of my other friends on the different apps, what picture line ups to use, and how to approach the time lines of getting a girls number to setting up the first date and what to do and what not to do.  Jimmy has seen this in action first hand.  Here is a text my friend Phil from Southern California just sent me.  I coached him when he was here in Tucson and one day he went on 3 ice cream dates in the same day!  LOL It was a logistical nightmare but he did it!  

For those who aren't familiar with Coffee Meets Bagel, it is generally an app where the main demographic of women is 25 to 45 and oftentimes they are highly educated and sophisticated.  A lot of PhD Students, doctors, lawyers, and many other professions.  In general this app is going to constitute a higher percentage of people looking for something a little more serious.  

Conclusion

There has unfortunately been little to no progress in Jimmy's situation.  This winter he went to Minnesota to work the game up North.  It turns out he was cockblocking himself and everyone insight so our mutual friend from up there was forced to ditch him because the chick he was hanging out with wanted to go back to his place.  Jimmy claims he must have gotten roofied because he ended up lost in the freezing cold with just a T-Shirt on.  He said he must have fallen down in the snow or fell in a mud puddle because he was all wet.  He walked up to a cop car and asked for help but they just told him there was nothing they could do and he should just call an UBER or a cab.  Jimmy rode out the rest of the night in an IHOP. 

In an era where apps have allowed the common man to live like god kings, Jimmy continues to struggle.  

What Can Be Learned

1) Listen to your friends.  They are trying to help.  

2) It's survival of the fittest out there! 

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