Why Am I Still Here?

blind-spot (70)in OCD • 5 years ago

It's a difficult question to navigate through. But when you do ask it to yourself you realise you're at a point where self-reflection has become imminent and of the utmost importance. After all, you'd never stumble on this unless you'd reach a turning point where you have to ask yourself: "Is it worth it?".

You've already put so much work and effort into making something so unique and valuable to you. You've already invested more than you can count. You have your heart and soul committed to this. But is it time to say goodbye and start another journey?

Another question I have always battled to find answer to is how would I describe my life in one word. So far the best and most uncanny description I have settled on is "Chandelier". For, life is beautiful, just like a chandelier. Every single experience, lesson and moment has made life just even better. Each of them representing a bulb in this humongous, beautiful, ever-growing chandelier. Each bulb makes the chandelier more beautiful, more unique, more complete.

Steem, too, is another bulb in this chandelier that completes it. A bulb without which this chandelier wouldn't be complete and way more dull. A bulb that fulfills the rightful duty and gives meaning to the adaptation of my own life. Not only does the chandelier look good, it brightens up and provides light for others, it also stays forever up there for someone to learn from and look up to. And without steem, a major bulb would be missing, rendering it as junk.

Sounds very trivial, but I believe the correct question isn't why I am still here but rather "why do I keep coming back?". I'm not the biggest monetary investor, and I know people who have invested more time and effort than me on here. I have way less than many to lose if I knew day I finally decide to never give back here for good. But regardless if the many hiatus, I always find my back.

The reason is simple. It's different.

Since my inception on steem I have forever believed in the difference this model could make in the world. The function of the design could re-calibrate every aspect of modern world and make it better. From schooling to presidential elections. From gambling to jobs. Each aspect could be tweaked and elevated woth the help of this fast, reliable blockchain based cryptocurrency project.

But thats nerdy jibberish that caters to the world. I have selfish reasons, too. Reasons such as how I found a community that stroves to be better. A community that can fight for itself. The last few days made me believe that even more. A community that finds space to make for others. I found a place where I can be myself and not feel threatened.

In my last post I spoke about how weird uploading to instagram felt. It did. The fake standards of life and beauty, the addiction to numbers and validation, the feeling of being a part of something that drifts away every 9 seconds, and never knowing when you'd be sileneced. Social media, all of it, feels like that.

So why wouldn't I want to come back? I want to come back to a place where my voice matters. A place where I am an equally important member of any change happening. A place where I'll never be sileneced. A place where I'll forever exist. A place where "fake" doesn't survive and mental health is valued over toxic standards.

Sometimes, life is more than the value set in exchanges. It's more than labels like bullish and bearish. Sometimes, it's about finding a place you love and cherish, and you feel it reciprocated. Maybe, just, maybe thats why I'm still here - because there is no where like here.