Peas in a Pod -The Ending-

I fell in love with a picture on a screen, and it felt terrible.

Leena was out of the question for discussing the subject, Samir had no space left for romantic sense in his hormone raging blood, I was too embarrassed to ask mom about such a subject, so I went to the only one left in the list of trustworthy acquaintances.

Dad’s apartment always smelled funny, like wet socks. He and his friends were watching the news feed on a large couch. They all worked together in the vacation facilities. Dad is a healer there, the other two are in the logistic department, I think. They greeted me with a lot of enthusiasm.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” I said, after having my hair all messed up several times.

“Sure!”

I followed him into the kitchen and sat at the table; my dad is a tall, skinny man, his blue eyes have always impressed me, ever since I was little I haven’t been able to lie to him, not once, because of the way he seems to look right through me. He busied himself around the kitchen and, before I could say a word, he served me a slimy looking pea soup.

“I’m not hungry”

“You know my food always makes you feel better” he said, sitting in front of me. “It’s a boy, isn’t it?”

I drank it slowly, making time. It did make me feel better, like a weight had been lifted from my stomach, although the taste was not that good.

“A man, dad, not a boy” I said, annoyed.

“You are not a man until you breed” he replied, his chest swelling with pride.

“Whatever…”

“What is it? He doesn’t like you back?”

”No, that’s not it… I don’t really know what I want to say”

“Oh…” he said, suddenly serious. “Whatever it is, I advise you to take it slowly, then; one step at a time”.

It was actually pretty good advice. After he said that, I felt no urge to speak anymore about Neto. All I had now was the urge to see him.

JustNeto
My family doesn’t really like to go out much. We just go to the ports to travel to the compound where my cousins live, it’s on the other side of the sea.
KrenLyn
What does it look like? The other compound, I mean.
JustNeto
It’s pretty. There’s a lake there where we go fishing, sometimes the town hall organizes a parade with traditional costumes, I’ve been in it a few times. I dress like they did in the early 20th century.
KrenLyn
Hahaha, like a prince in a castle?
JustNeto
Hahahahaha, no, like a peasant in a corn field.
KrenLyn
I’d really love to see that!
JustNeto
Why don’t you come with me? We are going soon, you could join us! I could show you around…
KrenLyn
I don’t think mom would like that.
JustNeto
You should ask her. You’d make good company.
KrenLyn
I doubt it. I would feel like an alien, and people would think I’m weird, they are probably so different.
JustNeto
I find you very pretty; I don’t care what they say.

That was not exactly slow. In fact, that was everything but slow. My heart started pounding so hard I had to say goodbye and lie down.

You probably think I’m just a stupid girl who fell in love with a stupid situation, maybe you don’t even understand what love feels like, whenever you are. It feels great and terrible at the same time.

That was the second time he asked me to meet him. I didn’t know whether to take him seriously, it’s hard to tell joke from truth in a written conversation.

One day he suggested we spoke on a web call. I was reluctant at first but then he told me about how he’d cracked his software so it could be compatible with mine and I felt it would’ve been rude to say no after he had gone through so much trouble.

He called me one Friday night, after mom had gone to bed.

“Hello?” I said timidly.

“Hey… I like your voice too, I didn’t think I would” he said, he spoke slow, using low tones; everything about him seemed so calm and collected.

“Why not?”

“Well… If you must know I didn’t think you could be any more perfect”

“Why do you say these things?” I asked, my temper rising. “For all I know you’re a weirdo who wants to trick me”

“I’m not! I swear! Let’s meet and I’ll prove it to you”

We spoke until dawn. He told me all about his life and habits and so did I. I felt amazed at how happy his life seemed, surrounded by all those people and his three beautiful dogs. At some point his mother came into the room and I heard her voice, she sounded like a singer, it was so powerful. I liked her, and him, and everything about them. By the time we hung up we were mesmerized by each other.

From then on, every time we spoke on the chat cloud, I took to touching the screen. It was an automatic movement; I’d read his words and feel the watery surface of the screen with my fingertips, longing for it to be his skin. What would it feel like, to touch him, warm and alive, instead of plastic and rectangular? What would he smell like? What would his gaze feel like? The situation was becoming painful.

KrenLyn
What’s your real name?
JustNeto
Jose Neto. Neto means grandchild in the old language of my family, we still speak it sometimes.
KrenLyn
I wish I had a language.
JustNeto
You can have mine. I can teach you!
KrenLyn
Hahahahaha sure.

And then it became too much. I couldn’t focus; Leena was mad at me and Samir spent most of his time trying to convince her nothing was wrong with me. I was lonely because the company I wanted was not nearby, and I was too much of a coward to go and find it.

Because that is why I started writing this pod, you see? I understand it now. I can’t hold him back any longer, I don’t know if I want to. If I meet him everything will change, and I don’t know what will happen after. On the other hand, it’s impossible not to meet him, because everything inside me is longing to.

“I really want to see you in person” he said to me last night over the webcall.

I remained quiet until silence became to tense. Then I decided truth was the best policy. “I’m scared to do that” I answered, my hands tightened and my shoulders tense.

“I’m not a crazy person, Karen” he said gravely.

“I know you’re not… It’s just… What if the spell breaks?”

“What spell?”

“This one. Everything I feel, how good everything feels when I speak to you. What if you meet me and you don’t like me anymore? Or vice versa? We are so different…”

“You really have to stop saying that. We’re not different, we are just people talking on the phone. Can’t you tell? The spell only breaks if you want it to break. And I don’t want that. Do you?”

We spent a few seconds in silence. “Me neither… Do you think it’s save?”

“Of course it’s safe, Karen!”

“Let’s meet in the forest then, tomorrow night. Do you know how to get there?”

“I can find out. Where?”

“Where the crossways meet, there’s a crystal park there. I’ll be in the benches”.

“Can’t wait” he said.

I had to dare, or else I would’ve felt sorry for myself. It seems like the only thing I can do. I’m all dressed now; I worked my way around the designer software, I think I look pretty. It’s a flowing blue dress, simple, old school; I thought it would be appropriate.

I’m off. Thank you for reading me, whenever you are. Wish me luck.